SUMMER CONCERTS suck. If they're outside, you're confronted with shirtless, fleshy neighbors whose choices in alcohol and bathing rituals are immediately made known. If they're inside, only thin sheaths of cotton can save you from a similarly smelly swelter. If you're an offender, try to sponge down. If you're an offendee, stay home; the summer concert is all about the funk, literally if not figuratively.
That said, along with summer's usual retinue of Buffetts, Matthews, Warpeds and Deads, the coming season does a decent job heralding forth an unusual crew of screwheads beyond the norm. How Robert Smith and Prince will withstand the heat with all that hair piled high, or how a withering Morrissey survives the sunshine, are mysteries best answered in the light of day.
DANGER MOUSE
Thurs., May 27
Though best Beastie Boy buddy Money Mark is here, Danger Mouse—the Gray DJ/producer made notorious by fusing an a capella Jay Z (The Black Album) to the psyched-up pop of the Beatles (White Album)—will hopefully do something that doesn't get him arrested or place him in the debt of EMI. Spirit, 530 W. 27th St. (betw. 10th & 11th Aves.), 212-307-7171, 9, $18, $15 adv.
OREGON
Fri-Sun., June 4-6
Placid picker Ralph Towner and reed-tooting Paul McCandless' downy soft, raga-based Oregon is still going strong (as strong as wind can sound) 30-some years after its start as Paul Winter's bitch. Take that, Winter, you friggin' punk. Iridium Jazz Club, 1650 B'way (51st St.), 212-582-2121.
JOHN DOE/GRANT LEE PHILLIPS
Tues. & Weds., June 8 & 9
Sandpaper singer/songwriters from two of California's finest Americana-bound bands—Doe's ragged X, Phillips' bittersweet Buffalo—go it alone. Knitting Factory, 74 Leonard St. (betw. B'way & Church St.), 212-219-3132, 9, $20, $18 adv..; Northsix, 66 N. 6th St. (betw. Wythe & Kent Aves.), 718-599-5103, 9, $18, $15 adv.
DAVID BYRNE
Tues., June 8
Chickenhead comes home to roost on Grown Backwards—a lyrically mature squawk-and-rawk set wherein Tosca meets Tropicalia. Carnegie Hall, 57th St. (7th Ave.), 212-247-7800, 8, $32-$45.
JONATHAN RICHMAN
Weds., June 9
The Boston boy who never grew up continues making naive romantic music with a stalker's lyrical twist—à la "Pablo Picasso" and "There's Something About Mary." Bowery Ballroom, 6 Delancey St. (betw. Bowery & Chrystie St.), 212-533-2411, 10, $15.
DKT/MC5
Mon. & Tues., June 14 & 15
Still-living MC5 members Michael Davis, Wayne and Dennis "Machine Gun" Thompson fuck up what little remains of the socio-political Detroit rocker's legacy by substituting Mark Lanegan (cool), Mark Arm, Evan Dando (huh?) and Marshall Crenshaw (what?!) for dearly departed members Rob Tyner and Fred "Sonic" Smith. Bowery Ballroom, 6 Delancey St. (betw. Bowery & Chrystie St.), 212-533-2111, 9, $25.
A TRIBUTE TO LEONARD COHEN
Mon., June 14
Along with screening the recent documentary, Ladies and Gentlemen... Mr. Leonard Cohen, Tracks/Rolling Stone/Spin doctor Alan Light, Rabbi Ebn David Leader and Stephen Hazan Arnoff discuss the stoic Cohen's Biblical implications. Oy. Makor, 35 W. 67th St. (betw. Central Park W. & Columbus Ave.), 212-601-1000, 7, $20.
MADONNA
Weds. & Thurs., June 16 & 17; Sun. & Mon., June 20 & 21; Weds. & Thurs., June 23 & 24
Talk about oy. The Material Girl shares her views on the Kabala, American Life and more, all to a disco beat with decadent staging, to boot. Madison Square Garden, 7th Ave. (betw. 31st & 33rd Sts.), 212-307-7171, 8, $49.50-$304.50.
PRIMUS
Tues., June 22
Les Claypool's mad, bad queasy-jazz-rock unit makes like Brian Wilson and tackles the single-LP classic—Frizzle Fry—at its furriest, freakiest best. Radio City Music Hall, 1260 6th Ave. (50th St.), 212-307-7171, 8, $44.50.
VAN HALEN
Tues. & Weds., June 22 & 23
Seeing David Lee Roth as a poker player on The Sopranos—even fleetingly—was more fulfilling than watching shouter Sammy Hagar drive not-so-much-over-55 with Eddie Van & Co. Yes, go ahead, jump. Please. Continental Airlines Arena, 50 State Rt. 120, East Rutherford, NJ, 201-935-3900, 7:30, $55-$90.
^^^SONGS OF NEIL YOUNG PROJECT
Sat., June 26
Producer/professional mix-master Hal Willner gets Iron and Wine, Cat Power, Ron Sexsmith, Antony and more to tackle the croaking old Canadian. Obviously, after taking on the risky business of Mingus, Rota and Monk with the likes of Waits, Zorn and Sun Ra, Willner is running out of people to cover and weirdos to cover them. Prospect Park Bandshell (Prospect Park West & 9th St.), Brooklyn, 718-855-7882, 7:30, free.
ERIC CLAPTON
Mon. & Weds., June 28 & 30
After having sold his own soul several times over, the Brit blues-master lets his guitar gently weep over his strangest brew yet—the legacy of Robert Johnson. With sheen this glossy and flossy, the devil gets a sugar rush. Madison Square Garden, 7th Ave. (betw. 31st & 33rd Sts.), 212-307-7171, 8, $45-$125.
MARC ANTHONY
Fri., July 2
Jennifer Lopez's fiance stops walking red carpets and making blurry movies long enough to act like the salsero we know he can be in his new Amar Sin Mentiras. Madison Square Garden, 7th Ave. (betw. 31st & 33rd Sts.), 212-307-7171, 8, $45-$129.50.
WHO'S ON FIRST? PIANO DUETS WITH DAVE FRISHBERG AND BOB DOROUGH
Tues. & Sun., July 6 & 11
The quipstering lyricists and playful pianists behind jazzbo Cold War classics "My Attorney, Bernie" and "Devil May Care" join forces for the coolest pairing of wiseasses since The Sting. Iridium Jazz Club, 1650 B'way, (51st St.), 212-582-2121, call for times, $27.50-$30, $13.75-$15 st.
THE BLOOD BROTHERS
Sat., July 10
Thank god for the Blood Brothers. Rather than maintain the staid grunge of their immediate tepid predecessors, this Seattle band—particularly on the last CD, Burn Piano Island, Burn—made a whiningly high-pitched rock roar, sour-pussed and non-plussed. Blame singers Jordan Blilie and Johnny Whitney. Blame rock's angriest man, guitarist Cody Votolato. Northsix, 66 N. 6th St. (betw. Wythe & Kent Aves.), 718-599-5103, 9, $20.
PRINCE
Mon.-Weds., July 12-14; Tues., July 20
Take the "slave" from his face and the bitterness from his days at Warner Bros. and what do you get? The funkiest Prince since Under the Cherry Moon. The most direct Prince since Sign o' the Times. Oh. And Musicology is pretty hot, too. Madison Square Garden, 7th Ave. (betw. 31st & 33rd Sts.), 212-307-7171, 7:30, $49.50-$189.50; Nassau Coliseum, 1255 Hempstead Tpk., Uniondale, NY, 516-794-9300, 7:30, $46.50-$185.
OZZFEST
Weds. & Fri., June 14 & 16
Unlike previous fests, there's nothing (save for Slipknot) fantastic and new in this metal-urgist gathering. While wheeling out Ozzy again is always good for a laugh, having to revive old gay croaker Rob Halford for the Judas Priest reunion is painfully guffaw-o-licious. Tommy Hilfiger at Jones Beach Theater, Wantagh, NY, (51st St.), 212-582-2121, call for times, $27.50-$30, $13.75-$15 st.; P.N.C. Bank Arts Center, Holmdel, NJ, 201-507-8900, 9 a.m., $47.25-$85.
ARCHIE SHEPP
Tues.-Sun., July 20-25
Free at last. Free at last. The most dangerous post-hard-bop-and-blues saxophonist since Ornette is back to the hoodoo of voodoo jazz with a recent recording, Passport to Paradise, that stings, floats and flies. Iridium Jazz Club, 1650 B'way (51st St.), 212-582-2121, call for times, $25-$30, $12.50-$15 st.
311/ROOTS
Sat. & Sun., July 24 & 25
Genre-jumpers from Nebraska (the Capricorn label funk-punksters 311) and Pennsylvania (the Okay Player, punk-funksters the Roots) tour together for no good reason other than to stir the loins and wake up the lions. P.N.C. Bank Arts Center, Holmdel, NJ, 201-507-8900, 7, $35; Tommy Hilfiger at Jones Beach Theater, Wantagh, 516-221-1000, 6:30, $35.
HILARY DUFF
Sun. & Mon., July 25 & 26
Scary. Continental Airlines Arena, 50 State Rt. 120 East Rutherford, NJ, 516-794-9300, 7, $33.50-$43.50; Nassau Coliseum, 1255 Hempstead Tpk., Uniondale, NY, 516-794-9300, 7, $34.50-$44.50.
THE CURE'S CURIOSA
Sat., July 31
Spooooooky, right? The Cure spindling its way through crepuscular shadowy rock songs? You know you missed them. The kings of gauzy-goth are joined by Interpol, The Rapture, and Mogwai. What, no Bauhaus? Venue to be announced.
PROJEKT REVOLUTION
Mon., Aug. 2
When Snoop Dogg isn't making lame 70s-remakes like Starsky & Hutch and Soul Plane, he actually makes a damned fine rapper, despite the presence of Korn and Linkin Park. Tommy Hilfiger at Jones Beach Theater, Wantagh, NY, 516-221-1000, 5, $49.50.
RUSH
Mon. & Weds., Aug. 8 & 11
Even after this—their 30th anniversary tour—the Canadian trio is still rock's most painful act. Ever. That includes Journey. With or without Steve Perry. Saratoga Performing Arts Center, Saratoga Springs, NY, 518-583-3045, 7:30, $19.50-$45.50; Tommy Hilfiger at Jones Beach Theatre, Rt. 50, Wantagh, NY, 516-221-1000, 8, $35-$85.
DON BYRON MUSIC FOR SIX MUSICIANS
Thurs.-Sun., Aug. 12-15
Clarinetist Byron again rolls from klezmer to Braziliana to Mancini movie music—because five was too few and seven seemed excessive. Iridium Jazz Club, 1650 B'way, (51st St.), 212-582-2121, 8 & 10, $27.50-$30, $13.75-$15 st.
DEEP PURPLE
Sun. & Tues., Aug. 15 & 17
Because the Darkness aren't coming back this way for a while. Tommy Hilfiger at Jones Beach Theater, Wantagh, NY, 516-221-1000, 6:30, $32.50-$45; Saratoga Performing Arts Center, Rt. 50, Saratoga Springs, NY, 518-583-3045, 7:30, $19.50-$45.50.
LOLLAPALOOZA 2004
Mon. & Tues., Aug. 16 & 17
Perry Farrell brings the Pixies, Sonic Youth, Morrissey, Gomez, PJ Harvey, Flaming Lips, Black Rebel Motorcycle Club, String Cheese Incident, Le Tigre, Modest Mouse and Polyphonic Spree to your town for a two-day circus with gypsy stuff and jam-band spaciness as its backdrop. We are amused and delighted, despite the caravan thing—way more so than when he brought in the likes of Audioslave and Metallica. Randalls Island, under Triborough Bridge (East River), 2, $50-$250.
SIOUXSIE AND BUDGIE
Sun.-Tues., Sept. 5-7
See the Cure, above. B.B. King's Blues Club & Grill, 237 W. 42nd St. (betw. 7th & 8th Aves.), 212-997-4144, 6, $35.
