JUDGING FROM THE heightened state of holyfuckingshit around the Garden (just five blocks north of our office), we grudgingly agree that the lawyers had the right idea: Running a nine-page "Assassination 2004" issue would've been a bad, bad idea. Thank you, lawyers, for keeping our editor-in-chief out of jail, and our company out of an eternity of litigation.

But Thank You, Really to the humorless Secret Service agents who—we suspect—would not have appreciated our tabloid parody issue. And Thank You, Really to the countless suburbanites and out-of-towners who would've sued the living fuck out of us for whatever damages they could've concocted.

"Ooh, judge, I saw that cover and was so upset I dropped my Starbucks latte. I'm suing for a million dollars."

By the way, this graphic is in no way intended to be a threat on the President of the United States. Nor is it an advocacy of violence against said President of the United States. We cool?