DANCE FOR ME A week filled with food-related mayhem and leg shootings got underway on Sunday.

Tiwana Hood, 36, was shot in the leg after arguing with a man in the hallway of a Harlem apartment building. It's unclear just what they were arguing about, but the man fled. To add insult to injury (literally), when police arrived, they found a vial of crack on Hood, and arrested her on drug charges before shipping her off to the hospital.

Earlier that day, two men in the Bronx were shot in their legs, too. The pair had just left a party in the housing project where they lived, and were headed back to their own apartments when they were stopped by two men who shot them in the legs for no good reason.

According to police, one of the assailants was "a slim, 5-foot-7 black man," and the other "a slim, 5-foot-8 black man." The lesson here is to carry a tape measure at all times.

The leg shootings rolled on into Monday when, shortly before 8 p.m., a bicyclist in Queens with extraordinary balance fired at least five shots at a group of men, killing one and hitting two—where else?—in the legs!

Richard Davis, 41, was arrested on Monday in connection with a Coney Island murder in July. Davis shot a man with whom he'd been arguing on the street, and in his frenzy also shot two bystanders in the legs—a 19-year-old woman and a 35-year-old man.

Simple foodstuffs were triggering a lot of rage in people last week as well.

For unspecified reasons Sunday night, the wife of East Flatbush resident Robert Coleman tossed his salad into the trash. This incensed Coleman, who screamed at his wife for a bit before spitting on her, slapping her and whacking her in the head with a broom. He was arrested on Monday and charged with assault, menacing and harassment.

What exactly was wrong with the egg sandwich is a matter of some debate. Some say it lacked cheese. Others, that the eggs were fried instead of scrambled. Whatever the case, it sure made 20-year-old Oceanside resident Craig Daniels mad at his grandma, who'd made it for him. After whacking her over the head with a flashlight and a cellphone, he chased her with an axe. She barricaded herself in her room and called the cops. When they arrived, Daniels was still hacking away at the door.

He's being charged with assault, reckless endangerment, criminal mischief and being a spoiled brat.

And finally, T.G.I. Friday's, a restaurant chain synonymous with bloodshed, saw some more of it in downtown Brooklyn last Wednesday.

Melanie Blount, 46, a secretary at the Dept. of Probation, was having a pleasant lunch with a colleague until a piece of cheesecake came between them. The argument over who was the cheesecake's rightful owner ended when Blount mashed the dessert over her co-worker's head, then attacked her with a drinking glass. The glass shattered, the co-worker was treated for cuts and Blount was arrested later that afternoon and charged with assault. o