WEDS. 9/15

Bi-Lingual Reading/Signing Alisa Valdés-Rodríguez (The Dirty Girls Social Club) brings the third world exactly what it's been needing—chicklit! Hear her latest, Playing with Boys, tonight; Chelsea Barnes & Noble, 675 6th Ave. (21st St.), 212-727-1227; 7, free.

The Cast of Will & Grace appears to sign Will & Grace: Let The Music Out; Union Square Barnes & Noble, 33 E. 17th St. (betw. B'way & Park Ave. S.), 212-253-0810; 12, free.

The Family: The Real Story of the Bush Dynasty Was the Manson allusion intentional? Either way, it's priceless. Kitty Kelley signs much buzzed about bio; Barnes & Noble, 600 5th Ave. (48th St.), 212-765-0592; 12:30, free.

Fantastic Fiction Eileen Gunn (Hugo nominee) & Sarah Micklem (Firethorn) read; KGB Bar, 85 E. 4th St. (betw. 2nd & 3rd Aves.), 212-505-3360; 7, free.

The Last Men Out: Life on the Edge at Rescue 2 Firehouse Author Tom Downey appears—and you know the Readings Column's golden rule: If it's in a bar, how bad could it be?; Rocky Sullivan's, 129 Lexington Ave. (betw. 28th & 29th Sts.), 212-725-3871; 8, free.

THURS. 9/16

The Incomparable Ned Vizzini The most successful (and humble) author in show business hosts new reading series feat. Clay McLeod Chapman (we would list his novels here, but any cretin who ignores a rule of grammar so basic as capitalization deserves no such courtesy) & Nichelle Newsletter (a blogger, but nonetheless one who seems like a v. nice young lady); Barbès, 376 9th St. (6th Ave.), Park Slope, 718-965-9177; 7, free.

Soul City New novel from someone named "Toure" (MTV2's Spoke N' Heard), because the only thing tackier than having too many names is not having enough; Hue-Man, 2319 Frederick Douglass Blvd. (W. 125th St.), 212-665-7400; 6, free.

Writers Named Steve Stephen Bassman, Stephen Policoff & our favorite—Ed "Steve" Valentine—read; KGB Bar, 85 E. 4th St. (betw. 2nd & 3rd Aves.), 212-505-3360; 7, free.

FRI. 9/17

Little Earthquakes "Jennifer Weiner's new novel follows four Philadelphia women as they face the challenges, from trivial to profound, of new motherhood. Join the author for a discussion" & Tori Amos for a lawsuit; Barnes & Noble, 1972 B'way (betw. 66th & 67th Sts.), 212-595-6859; 7, free.

Where the Long Grass Bends Neela Vaswani reads from collection of shorts as part of the "Writer's Voice" series; West Side YMCA, 5 W. 63rd St. (Central Park W.), 212-875-4124; 8, free.

SAT. 9/18

We Apologize Melissa Wolf & Paul Lamarre read from a book "that will offend no one. We have decided to make everything corporate—art for the military"; Printed Matter, 535 W. 22nd St. (betw. 10th & 11th Aves.), 212-925-0325; 5, free.

SUN. 9/19

Stephen King in an Interview w/Charlie Rose Is the author of The Stand & It the Charles Dickens of our time? Expect Rose, as usual, to play hard ball; 92nd St. Y, 1395 Lexington Ave. (92nd St.), 212-415-5500; 7:30, $25.

The Phoenix Series Mervyn Taylor & GinnaKarla Nicolas read—and again, it's in a bar, so how bad could it be?; Flannery's, 205 W. 14th St. (betw. 9th & 10 Aves.); 718-621-1240; 6, free.

Roger Rosenblatt reads from Anything Can Happen, "the poetic insights of a television essayist"; Cornelia St. Cafe, 29 Cornelia St. (6th Ave.), 212-989-9318; 6, $10.

MON. 9/20

Soccer Ace Mia Hamm signs copies of Winners Never Quit; Barnes & Noble, 600 5th Ave. (48th St.), 212-765-0592; 1, free.

Robert F. Kennedy, Jr. proves he's worth listening to by not being too big for both a signing AND discussion of Crimes Against Nature, unlike several other, less noteworthy, authors; Union Square Barnes & Noble, 33 E. 17th St. (betw. B'way & Park Ave. S.), 212-253-0810; 7, free.

The Secret Life of the Lonely Doll is "the unforgettable story of Dare Wright, author of an enormously popular children's book who was imprisoned by her childhood and who pursued her art to set herself free"; Barnes & Noble, 2289 B'way (82nd St.), 212-362-8835; 7:30, free.

The Voice of Literature The always amusing, though not always on purpose, Norman Mailer; 92nd St. Y, 1395 Lexington Ave. (92nd St.), 212-415-5500; 8, $16.

TUES. 9/21

Maya Angelou Author of the greatest title in literary history (I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings) reads from Hallelujah! The Welcome Table; Union Square Barnes & Noble, 33 E. 17th St. (betw. B'way & Park Ave. S.), 212-253-0810; 7:30, free.

Citizen You: Helping Your Government Help Itself Writers from The Onion read; Barnes & Noble, 267 7th Ave. (6th St.), Park Slope, 718-832-9066; 7, free.

Crime Novelist Lorenzo Carcaterra Reads from New Book Paradise City But according to a speech Axl gave on stage right before he quit Guns n' Roses, Paradise City doesn't exist!; Barnes & Noble, 1972 B'way (betw. W. 66th & W. 67th Sts.), 212-595-6859; 7:30, free.

Game of My Life: 20 Stories of Yankees Baseball by Dave Buscema "Award-winning writer Dave Buscema, who covers the Yankees on a regular basis, paints a personal picture of the Yankees' biggest stars and captures the joy of those who rose from obscurity to history"; Nevada Smith's, 74 3rd Ave. (betw. 11th & 12th Sts.), 212-982-2591; 7, free.

Look Out Steve... It's "A Night of Two Maggies," Dubris (Weep Not, My Wanton) & Estep; BookCourt, 163 Court St. (Dean St.), Bklyn, 718-875-3677; 7, free.

Multitude: War and Democracy in the Age of Empire From Publishers Weekly: "Empire (2000)—the surprise hit that made its term for U.S global hegemony stick and presciently set the agenda for post–9/11 political theory on the left—was written by this same somewhat unlikely duo: Hardt, an American political scientist at Duke University, and Negri, a former Italian parliament member and political exile, trained political scientist and sometime inmate of Rome's Rebibbia prison"; Barnes & Noble, 2289 B'way (82nd St.), 212-362-8835; 7:30, free.

Outside Valentine From Publishers Weekly: "In this riveting literary suspense novel, first-timer [Liza] Ward presents in lean, luminous prose a precarious world where true love can ravage as well as redeem, exploring a series of murders in Lincoln, Nebr., in the 1950s from the perspective of three narrators"; Astor Place Barnes & Noble, 4 Astor Pl. (betw. B'way & Lafayette St.), 212-420-1322; 7:30, free.