By Paul Krassner

FIRE DAN RATHER A few years ago, at the 135th anniversary of the Nation, I was on a panel of satirists, along with Al Franken, Jim Hightower and Michael Moore. The event was held at the posh University Club in New York. I wore jeans, a red Bread & Roses t-shirt and a tuxedo jacket, but the gatekeeper informed me that I didn't meet their dress code.

"But I'm an entertainer," I explained, "and this is my costume."

He instructed me to go around the corner, through the employees' entrance, past the kitchen and up the elevator, directly into the ballroom where the $600-a-plate dinner was taking place. Liberal celebrities were milling around, including Phil Donahue, Harry Belafonte, Jules Feiffer and, sitting at a $1000-a-plate table, Dan Rather.

He has excellent posture, which he maintains even when he laughs.

"Mr. Rather," I said from the dais, "you ended your broadcast the other night by saying, 'If you like the CBS News, be sure to tell your neighbors,' and I just wanted to take this opportunity to tell you personally that I went around recommending your newscast to all my neighbors, but they kept chasing me away because they mistook me for a census-taker."

Rather had previously been ending his nightly newscast with one word—"courage"—which is exactly what he needs now as he waits to see whether he'll be booted off the CBS island in this real-life reality show.

More than three decades ago, it was reported, George W. Bush ignored a direct order to take a flight physical while serving in the National Guard. Several Guard officials could not recall another pilot who skipped his mandatory medical examination.

"There were cases where they'd be a few weeks late because their regular jobs might get them in a bind," said Jerry Marcontell, a Houston physician who spent 10 years as the flight surgeon for Bush's air wing. "But I don't remember anyone missing a physical for months at a time. Certainly not a year."

One rumor has it that Bush wanted to avoid having his cocaine use revealed.

In any case, the documents upon which Rather based his story were apparently forged.

The irony is that the National Guard scoop on 60 Minutes II preempted a half-hour segment that was scheduled for the same program that night; a team of correspondents had spent more than six months investigating the Niger documents fraud, which purported to show Iraqi efforts to purchase uranium—a falsehood Bush included in his 2003 State of the Union speech to justify the invasion of Iraq.

And that's why Dan Rather should be fired. Now, that preempted segment won't likely be shown at all because CBS says it's too close to the election. Courage, my ass. o