MTA spokesman Tom Kelly now insists that the bridges, tunnels and stations are not going to be renamed after Pepsi, Doritos or Nike, as called for in the original plan. A few places, however—like Metro North's Tarrytown station—may carry corporate logos.

Instead, the MTA now claims that further fare hikes can be prevented (maybe) if they license out the authority's name to companies for use in product ads.

For instance: "Those empty Snapple bottles that are always rolling around in New York City subway cars are a sure sign that people are enjoying Snapple! Why don't you try some Mango-Peach today and leave your bottle on the ground, too?"

(As it happens, to help them get this sponsorship program up and running, the MTA has hired the services of the same marketing firm that was behind the city's Snapple deal.)

Let's consider the feasibility of this program for a second. How many people associate the MTA with "quality"? If some cleanser, say, advertised itself as being "the same cleanser used in subway stations!" would you buy it? Would you drop a couple thousand dollars in a computer that claimed to be "the same computer the MTA uses to keep the subways running on schedule"?

No, we didn't think so.

Given the amount of money the MTA is about to pay a marketing firm for a cockamamie scheme that's doomed to failure, that next fare hike's probably going to be even bigger than we expected.

Maybe they should market an official MTA mask and handgun.