CLUB REPORT

Last year, tv shows like "Desperate Housewives" kept viewers glued to the tube, turning nightspots into ghost towns. This season—with "Desperate" sucking—viewers emerged from gourmet-popcorn cocoons ready for fun. But clubs did a little wife-swapping of their own, as obsolete venues changed names. Everything old has a new doorman again.

Relocated one-time drug den the Sound Factory bows as Ibiza staple Pacha, a Williamsburg refinery emerges as Brooklyn Sugar, the sun sets on Ruby Falls and it debuts as Sol, while the east side's Social Club morphs into trendy Happy Valley. The Coral Room's stinky fish tank is drained to make way for Stereo's gigantic (and completely retarded) boom box as Miami transplant BED sprouts a roof deck winter garden that grows like the Amazon rain forest.

And, more immediately, here are three other new spaces for your late-night needs:

Nikki Midtown

Anyone who's ever inhaled deeply the crisp Mediterranean air and then hopped atop their table to pour a bottle of Cristal overhead will be at home at midtown's swank outpost of this international membership chain. If its relentless whitewashing and orchids don't spell harem, its miles of white pillows will. Yes, the double-decked, former Vue space gets the cabana-themed makeover, but go-go-booted waitstaff—inexplicably attired as "Austin Powers" extras—toting sugary cocktails insure this isn't a celebrity-choked Pottery Barn. 151 E. 50th St. (betw. Lexington & 3rd Aves.), 212-753-1144.

Guest House

Just like a cozy country cottage—once you clear the velvet-roped mob. Candlelit tables and wood-backed banquettes cluster the small-but-happening upstairs dance floor upstairs. Like most retreats, location is key. And this one is spitting distance from Home, the sister disco on club-clogged West 27th Street. House has all the comforts, sharing Home's décor and vibe, but with less hip-hop and more wallpaper, like APT and Cielo took a giant step uptown. 542 W. 27th St. (betw. 10th & 11th Aves.), 212-273-3700.

Speak

Like Mark and Roger's answering machine in "Rent," this railroad space is no nonsense. A narrow, black-walled bar with high red ceilings opens into an attitude-free lounge with velvet banquettes and a little stage complete with swings. On a recent Saturday night, the VIP room tucked in the basement was empty, but the upstairs parlor stayed up late sipping gin and beet juice while a DJ spun hip-hop beats. 28 E. 23rd St. (betw. Park South and Madison Aves.), 212-673-0100.