By Lt. Herschel X

Last week's dominant cultural fad had to be people trying to stop onrushing subway trains with their bare hands.

Most of them, needless to say, failed.

We all heard about 22-year-old Eddie Guzman and his pal Richie Molina. They went out to an Ecuadorean place Saturday night. There they listened to some music, had a bite, drank a few beers and met a girl. Then they had a few more beers. Come 5 a.m. Sunday, as the two were heading up the steps to the elevated 7 platform in Woodside, the old, hackneyed story played out again. Both of them liked the girl, see…

Molina says Guzman was throwing punches and he was just trying to defend himself. But witnesses say that Molina pounded Guzman to the platform, then kicked and rolled him onto the tracks in front of the oncoming train. If the latter story holds up in court, Molina's looking at 25 years. In either case, we're sure the chick from the restaurant was mighty impressed.

That was the biggie, but it was hardly the only subway slapstick going on that same day.

Late Sunday afternoon, 44-year-old Jesse Jones Jr., who was described both as a "big fat guy" and "soused to the gills," mumbled and bumbled his way down the platform of the Chambers Street station where, presumably, he hoped to catch the 6 train.

It's unclear what caused Jones to fall on the tracks. Given his alleged condition, he might've stumbled, misjudged where the platform ended or blacked out. In any case, down he went.

Have you ever seen one of those holy drunks staggering through a minefield or a construction site without a scratch? Jones had that same condition, apparently, and somehow rolled in between the rails just as the 6 was pulling in. He got away with barely a scratch.

Still on Sunday, if you can believe it, a woman in the Bronx ended up on the tracks at the 170th Street station. Details remain sketchy, but she wasn't as lucky as Mr. Jones.

Also unlucky on the 6 line was the homeless guy who was just trying to take a nap on a catwalk in the tunnel about 100 feet north of the 77th Street station. At around 9 a.m. Wednesday, the poor fucker rolled over, maybe trying to get more comfy. But those catwalks just aren't that wide.

He was struck by a downtown 6, screwing up the morning for about half a million people.