A new holiday tradition.
Last week was thick with people in the paths of speeding trains. It was only the beginning. A friend suggested that maybe it has something to do with holiday joy. Makes sense—holidays always make us feel like stepping in front of a train.
At about 9 a.m. last Friday, an unnamed woman either fell, jumped or was pushed in front of a northbound F at East Broadway. We’re guessing it wasn’t the latter, though, given her death warranted only a three-sentence mention.
Also little noticed was the unidentified man who jumped in front of a downtown 4 at the 86th St. station shortly before 6 a.m. on Saturday. At least he didn’t mess up too many commutes.
Guess we’re getting used to subway suicides as another of New York’s grand holiday traditions.
—Det. Parnell “Prune” Tracy
No Fan of Tags
Routine harassment goes wrong.
At first it must’ve seemed banal. Some might say pointless, or call it harassment. A little before 2 a.m. Friday, a pair of officers stopped 24-year-old Morningside Heights resident Jose Rivera as he walked his dog in front of his apartment building. The dog, see, didn’t have tags.
As the officers were questioning Rivera and writing the ticket, the unidentified dog—clearly no fan of tags—bit one of the officers on the leg.
At this point, the officers decided to arrest Rivera on assault charges. But as they were trying to get him into the squad car, someone reportedly took a shot at them with a BB gun, striking one of the arresting officers in the cheek.
In the end, Rivera was charged not only with assault, but with resisting arrest and obstruction of government administration as well. The dog was taken away, and the shooter was never found.
All because of a missing dog tag. The two officers received minor injuries and should be fine—though sometimes, you have to imagine, they must wonder why in the hell they joined the force.
—Det. Parnell “Prune” Tracy
Low-Rent Genius
Cool, but dirty.
There’s a reason we love low-rent criminals. Even if they don’t always think things all the way through beforehand, well at least they’re still out there giving it their best.
Sometimes, though, their best is just kind of sad.
At about 9:30 a.m. on Wednesday, according to the Post, 24 year-old Louis Sotto walked into a Bushwick bodega and allegedly dropped three bottles of detergent into his backpack. This operation was witnessed by the store manager, who then locked the front door to prevent Sotto’s escape.
Finding his once-clear egress now obfuscated, our wily and clever crook played it cool, pulled out his wallet as though he’d planned to pay all along, and presented the manager with a crisp $50 bill.
Upon only the briefest inspection, however, it was clear to the manager—no slouch himself—that the “bill” in question was, in fact, a bad photocopy of a $50 bill, which wouldn’t fool even a blind news vendor.
The police showed up not long afterwards and arrested Mr. Sotto, who must have been painfully conscious of the fact that his laundry would still be waiting for him when he got home.
—Det. Parnell “Prune” Tracy
