We made our way to the bar, nuzzled underneath two giant fishnet gams split into the ten and two o’clock position. Looking at it, I was either told it was a clock or that this high-heeled creature beneath theatrical curtains has a cock. It was hard to tell as loud as the music was pumping. Whichever it was, I was then passed off to her Tuesday night hostess, Susanne Bartsch, for a grand tour worthy of Barbara Corcoran.
Susanne could shame any realtor with her knack for finding unusual party spaces, from the locker room in her hubby David Barton’s gym to Central Park’s Wolllman Rink. Just then though, she walked me up to the second floor, her black Cleopatra ‘do bouncing as she took the stairs, and made a beeline past the leopard-skin banquettes. “I love it,” she enthused in her thick Swiss accent. She “Price is Right”-showcased the go-go booth hanging over the dance floor caged in neon. Then she swung me around to face the mirrored DJ booth, which also juts out over the dance floor like a disco ball Death Star.
Grabbing my hand, Suzanne next whisked me back downstairs. There R. Couri Hay was creating a bottleneck descending in time to the music. It was such a scene that I almost expected the steps to light up as in an Arthur Freed MGM musical as I spotted my favorite porn star on the dance floor. But at that moment Susanne led me back out into the foyer as her coat check girl screamed, “It’s freezing, Susanne!”
When she agreed, shooting me a look, I suddenly understood the clubspeak for, “You’re too early!” So she took me downstairs to show me the basement lounge, and, by the time we made our way back upstairs, the big room was packed, and Susanne turned me over to my own devices. There Joey Arias was navigating the intensely raked stage in heels for an impromptu performance while The Misshapes spun their first Madonna selection of the evening: a remix of “Hollywood.”
Derek Graves, a publicist whose birthday marked the night’s occasion, took a look at those fishnets. “It is a clock,” I told him. Smashed, he didn’t understand.
2:10 a.m.: peak hour at Happy Valley.
