I have heard rumors that you can increase the size of your cock. Is this true? What medicine can I buy to make it bigger than it already is?

–Shrinking Sal

No, don’t believe the hype. Your cock is just like any other muscle in your body: the more you use it, the stronger and bigger it will get. Use it or lose it.

I have a strange problem and hope I’m not alone. I cannot reach orgasm while making love to my girlfriend. I can easily cum when I masturbate, but just can’t get there inside of my girl. We fuck for hours and hours and she feels insulted and I get embarrassed. What can I do to fix this? Is it because I am already 45? Are my breeding days over or what?

–Discouraged Dante

I may sound like a prick, but it could be you are with the wrong partner. I assume, since you are 45 and just now have this problem, that you have shot your load into a few women in the past. If you are attached to this woman, then stop stressing, tell her to stop stressing and try different positions that make your cock think it’s safe in your wanking hand. She should count her blessings that she has a man who can go on and on without cumming. Tell her your glass is half full, not half empty.

Hey Doc, my boyfriends’ dick is too big and it hurts a lot when we fuck. He wants sex all the time, but I try to avoid it as my crotch hurts for days after. I am crazy about my semi-rockstar boyfriend and hope there is something I can do. Is there any way to make it less painful or to stretch it out so he fits in there better?

–Tiny Tess

Too big? Give him my number. Just kidding. Most women pray for such a tool—hard to imagine it being a burden. Try to avoid doing it doggy style, as this is the position that makes even tiny-tooled men feel bigger. You could do it in the missionary position with lots of lube, or try being on top, squatting, so you can control the depth and speed of the penetration. If you blow him for a long time it shouldn’t take him long once he is inside, thus minimizing the pain.

I want my guy’s best friend. I have to have this man. He is hotter, smarter and just cooler than my guy. How does one do that without hurting anyone?

–Sexy Sadie

Sorry, but that is a no-no. If you left your guy for him, the new one would never trust you. You would ruin a friendship and it could backfire. People always want what they can’t have, which is perhaps the enticing aspect. I am not prude, but to me, being a buddy fucker is right up there with being a home wrecker. 

Are all men liars? This isn’t the first time I built my world around a guy, gave him my all, and just got lied to.

–Fed-up Francis

Sounds like someone has been shit on. I think men fib to prevent hurting feelings. I have never met a man who can be 100 percent honest and you can’t change that. They lie because they know how their girl will flip out if she knows the truth. Best thing is to not flip out, just keep busy with your own issues/activities and it will eliminate pressure. When you put a man in the center of your life, the pressure gets too much for them and they snap. Don’t try to make a man responsible for your whole life, your happiness, etc. By the way, women lie too. Push-up bras, silicone tits, make-up and Botox make them appear prettier, high heels make them taller, corsets make them thinner, hair color and colored contacts are misleading, pretending to want cock 24/7 at the beginning of a relationship to lure them in is also a lie. So you see, men are not the only ones who bend the truth. Lighten up or there may come a day that there is no one around to even lie to you.

I want to surprise my boyfriend with an intimate piercing but I can’t have sex for one or two weeks because of the healing process, so what’s a good excuse I could use to avoid sex for a week?

Tell him you have a raging bladder/yeast infection and if he gets too nosy or pushy, give him oral sex to ease the tension.