I’ve been dating the same guy (he is 26, I am 22) for over a year now. We see each other every other day. Friday nights he goes out with his friends, and Saturday night is our night. He is always tired on Saturday night so when he comes to pick me up at my place, he finds a way of convincing me to just stay home and chill (fuck). I feel short changed; I want to go out with him and have fun, but he says being home with me is much more fun than going out. The sex is amazing, but I am starting to resent him for this leftover from Friday night shit. Should I just dump him?

—Irate Iris

It’s really simple. When he calls to let you know he is coming over, tell him you aren’t at home, you are at a certain bar/club/restaurant and that he should meet you there. You are far too young to be a stay at home couple. If I were you, I would change this weekend situation; as in, you suddenly can’t meet on Saturday nights anymore so he will have to see you on Fridays instead. That way he can be nice and tired for his friends on Saturday. Insist upon this and it will work. Not wanting to sound bitchy, but you are the one with the pussy so you make the rules. The sooner you learn this, the better. 

I was seeing two guys and having sex with both. I am now five months pregnant and don’t know which guy is the father. I have picked the best guy, and told him it’s his, and it very well could be; but not knowing is eating me up inside. One guy is blonde, the other brunette. What do I do if it comes out with blonde hair (I am with the brunette now)? Should I just tell him? What if he leaves me all alone? 

—Frantic Freda

Perhaps it will calm your nerves to tell you this happens a lot. You can’t change the situation anymore so there is no point in stressing out; it will just make you have a moody baby. Just go with the flow, and if your guy someday insists upon a DNA test, do it and let things unfold how they are supposed to. Keeping mum doesn’t mean you are lying, it just means you aren’t saying anything—a tactic men understand oh so well. If, when your child gets older and you sense the brunette is not the biological father, you may want to tell your child that he/she can get a DNA test. Worrying about the future and past just fucks up today. Concentrate on being a great mom, and everything else will fall into place. 

I have been religious about carrying condoms ... just in case I meet a hot guy. What I don’t understand is why the guys always look at me like I am a slut because I’m prepared. It really ruins the whole mood for me. We can’t win, can we? I tell them “better safe than sorry,” but there is always this disapproving look that comes my way. Should I stop carrying them? Should I use a different line? WTF!? 

—Wondering Wanda

Men should always have condoms on them, taken or not. You just never know when a pussy might “accidentally” fall onto you. If they don’t carry condoms, and they are single, it means (a) they are not players and never expect to get laid or (b) they don’t practice safe sex. Both are fucked up excuses. Don’t carry them on you if you are so worried about what guys think. If they don’t have any on them, make it a fun trip to go get them together. You could keep them in your medicine cabinet at home and say “My mom/sister/dad bought them for me for emergencies.” You could be really sarcastic (like me) and say, “Oh, the last guy left them here.” My favorite is when he asks you “Do you have any condoms on you?” say, “Why would I? I don’t own a cock.”