By Dr. Dot
drdot@drdot.com
www.puredrdot.com

I’ve had a male friend for the last year, who only recently split with his girlfriend ... I fully intend to make him mine. I’ve been reading your column and totally get the fact that he will need some time to get over her, and somehow it’s working out perfectly as he has to leave in November for a six-month stay in Belgium. My question is, how can I keep his mind on me; how can I somehow “reserve” him? If he were a shirt, I would put him on lay-away, but he’s not—he is a 23-year-old hot guy who looks like Orlando Bloom. Looking very forward to your advice.

—Parachute Woman

The process of turning a friend into a lover is a delicate one. You have to slowly go from buddy to object of desire, which means not being around all of the time. Try making tiny dates for just the two of you, but keep in mind that sleeping with a guy too soon ruins everything. You know I am not old fashioned, but this bit of advice is timeless: If you screw a man too soon, he will subconsciously think of you as easy. But if the opportunity arrives, give him one blowjob right before he goes to keep him curious as to what’s to come. Aim for it being the best head he’s ever had so he thinks about you the whole time he is gone. But, like I said, wait until the last possible day and only do it once.

Why do most men pull away after sex and seem so disconnected?

—Brown Sugar

A very sarcastic but realistic way to get straight to the point: “Men cuddle to fuck, and women fuck to cuddle.” You simply cannot take this personally. In fact, I find that the more apathetic I am after sex, the more the man wants to cuddle. Men feel so intimate and out of control when they have sex that they have to reestablish their independence by pulling away. It usually happens subconsciously, and they aren’t even aware that they are acting slightly selfish. I think cuddling is overrated anyway; once you are both finished with sex, give each other some freakin’ space to breathe. Girls get energy from sex, but men basically slip into a coma; they want to savor the orgasm, and talking or cuddling can be distracting. Let them pull away while you use the time (when he is busy on cloud nine) to go wash your naughty parts or get a glass of water/wine. Don’t stress; that is just how men behave after sex.

My question isn’t really sex related, but my dad just died from cancer. Is it OK not to cry? Does that mean I don’t love him? My girlfriend says I am cold-hearted. I am only 18, and I am just confused and stressed out.

—Prodigal Son

You aren’t crying because the reality of it all hasn’t registered yet. It will hit you someday, and you will break down and cry and probably be mad, sad and feel guilty that you didn’t grieve earlier. Men get kind of numb when such a thing happens. Don’t beat yourself up, but when the time comes when you do feel sad, go ahead and cry. Explain to your gal pal that you are in shock and to lighten up on you and be patient or else she could end up being a whipping post.

I am really tired of having failed relationships. I try everything (cooking all the time, dressing nice, letting them move in, buying them nice presents, doing all the house work, etc.) to keep them around, but it never works. What do I have to do to keep them?

—Lady Jane

Nothing. Don’t do anything you wouldn’t normally do; be yourself. If he stays, the relationship will last longer. Some people put up a false front when they meet someone new. This is unwise, as sooner or later the real you will come through and the change may be a shocking letdown. In fact, a woman who gives too much makes a man feel strange and could encourage a lazy “take you for granted” attitude. Just be yourself and, sooner or later, someone will adore the real you. Putting too much effort into things is exhausting, and when you tire, it could back fire. And as I’ve said many times before, lots of oral sex and laughter will make anyone more desirable.