There are some places most consider sanctuaries from violence and crime, but recent events have crossed two off the list. Last week, a janitor employed at a Catholic church (and a school in Flushing) accidentally shot himself in the leg with an illegal firearm while on church property. Jose Marrero was toying with a .380-caliber semi-automatic handgun in his on-grounds residence when he fired a number of bullets into his leg. Possibly foreseeing his future dismissal from Saint Mel’s parish, Marrero initially lied to officials about how he got the wounds, but he eventually admitted to his idiotic misdeed. The police augmented this charge with reckless endangerment and criminal possession of a weapon.

In Riverhead, Long Island, Garner Allen was recently sentenced for killing a senior citizen amongst the volumes in the local public library. Allen violently mugged 85-year-old Ruth Seybolt in a secluded sector of the library on May 3 of last year, causing serious head trauma. She suffered a brain injury that was ruled a homicide when she died three months later. Allen will serve 25 years behind bars, but paranoid citizens will have to find a new safe haven to catch up on Danielle Steel paperbacks.