I’ve been friends with this guy for about six months. We are very close and talk to each other almost every day. He’s a good guy, and I’ve fallen for him, even though I didn’t find him attractive in the beginning. He says he cares for me and would do anything for me—he even offered me money when I was short on bills. Basically, he takes very good care of me, however, there is one big problem—he’s married. Nothing physical has happened between us, as I have too much respect for him to ruin his life. I don’t think his wife knows that I even exist, but I have tremendous guilt about being so close with a married man. I know nothing about his relationship with his wife, although he talks about the rest of his family—no children. Having been married, I know that he should not be keeping me as a close friend. and if I were his wife, I would not want him around me. But I have kept it at arms length, and nothing has happened. He has said on more than one occasion, “if I weren’t married …” I guess what I’m looking for is advice on if I’m doing something wrong here. He is always the one to contact me. When I need to ask him something, I’ll send him a text or email, but he always calls me. OK, I’m done babbling, so give it to me, Doc!

—Ramble-on Rose

When people take the big plunge, as in, standing in front of a crowd saying “I do,” they should lie in the bed they’ve made. You feel guilty because you know it’s not cool. Also, the more time you spend with a taken man, the less time you have to meet and get close to a single man. A lot of married men say “if I weren’t married” and “I will leave her soon.” It’s usually fucking bullshit. They give their best to the mistress, and the wife gets the tired leftovers. I’m not prude at all; I’ve just seen way too many girlfriends get hurt by married men and vice versa. Hanging with a taken man will only lead to no good, and if he did leave his wife for you, you could never trust him; he could very well be taking care of some other single woman, paying her bills too. If he doesn’t like his marriage, he should leave his wife, wait a while and then try for you. This is yet another reason why I frown upon marriage. It seems the pressure of marriage is what makes people want to stray. There are millions of single men—why waste time on a taken one?

I am 33 and the girl I dumped three months ago is 19. We were together for a year. She loved me madly, and I guess I loved her, but since I still live at home with my parents, I felt pressured and let her go. Since then she’s joined the National Guard and I have realized that I do miss and love her. These are things I couldn’t sense with her the past two years. I’ve told her how I feel, and she’s obviously a bit shocked about it and leery to react toward this newfound glory. Am I crazy? Why did it take her leaving for me to believe she’s not one of the psychos I’ve had in the past? 

—Cosmic Charlie

Doesn’t it always seem “that you don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone?” It could be that a tiny part of you felt that you didn’t deserve her because you still live at home. Taking the next step with a woman might mean you’d have to change, as in, move out and get a better job that permits you to have your own place. The fact that she isn’t readily available makes her suddenly seem oh-so-much hotter. If you really feel this way about her, you may have to take a drastic step to convince her, like getting a new place that has room for her. This could win her back, but keep in mind that 19 is young and that young people are fickle, but it’s worth a try. If it doesn’t work, at least you will still have your own place and room for more of those “psychos” to sleep over.