Despite the hallowed reputation of The Atlantic Monthly, the tome can often be a snore fest … but not this month! In its latest issue, the magazine unveiled its “100 Most Influential Americans of All Time” list, giving us a helpful holiday reminder of why being all you can be isn’t always defined by what you accomplish as much as by how much press you can generate. Chief among the dubious vote getters on the list is Elvis Presley at number 66. Sure the guy once owned the radios and stages of the nation (before becoming a Vegas punchline), but when it comes to rock ’n’ roll changing the face of America, Chuck Berry and Little Richard own more of the DNA—but less of the press clippings, so … Then the list touts Bill Gates, number 54,  the man who simply copied Steve Wozniak’s early work at Apple Computer and figured out how to better commercialize it (and give us more viruses in the process). Let’s be honest, he’s on the list because he’s the richest man on Earth—no more, no less. Where the list does offer some seemingly intentional humor is at number 96, Ralph Nader, accompanied by the text, “He made the cars we drive in safer, 30 years later, he made George W. Bush the president.” Are sour grapes part of the Most Influential voting criteria? Where the true character of the list’s voters is revealed is in a sidebar section called “Top Living Influentials.” The gold standard list includes the likes of ex-con Martha Stewart, professional gossip Oprah Winfrey, cartoon peddler Stan Lee (yes, we love him too, but Top Influential?), ass-shot maven Hugh Hefner, Shirley the original Olsen Twin Temple and, of course, Michael Jordan—because dunking has revolutionized the way we … er, watch Basketball?

On the Google front, the Internet behemoth looks like it will indeed get to continue its hegemonic rise. The search firm has “partly” settled a Belgium lawsuit that involved Google displaying copyrighted news articles on its website without any deal in place (something that many news sites allow, for now, in hopes of boosting their website traffic). Google spokeswoman Jessica Powell told the media, “We won’t go into the details …” Which is Google-speak for: Don’t be evil—in public.

Our latest round of very important questions includes: Who will Tribune Co. finally sell out to, and if print is so dead, why is the deal proposition so sexy? After running to the West Coast to escape the taint of her former beau’s mob scandal (embattled former NYC Police Commissioner Bernard Kerik), and now fighting the fire that is an O.J. Simpson book deal gone really sour, will publishing doyenne Judith Regan finally realize it’s time to lay low for a while? Does freshly minted NY Observer owner Jared Kushner really think that shrinking the size of the paper will magically make it any easier to read stale Manhattan gossip on pink paper? Since the death of former NY Times Managing Editor Gerald Boyd was mainly mentioned as a part of Jayson Blair media lore, rather than the man’s career, will former NY Times editor Howell Raines share Boyd’s unfortunate obit treatment at his passing?