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DR. DOT

By Dr. Dot
drdot@drdot.com
www.puredrdot.com

I was wondering if you could tell me where the line is between charming persistence and creepy stalking. It sounds corny, but I’ve got a crush on a girl. I don’t want to ease up so much that she falls for someone else, but I also don’t want her to get a restraining order against me—not that I’ve done anything to merit one. My problem is that I have plenty of confidence, but my form is—how should I put this?—potentially intimidating. At six feet tall and 255 pounds, with hair growing out of damn near every hole in my body, my friends tell me that I look like a crazy mountain man. Of course, almost all of their suggestions include the words “scissors,” “contact lenses” and “American Eagle Outfitters” or something to that effect. I am very fond of my mane and I see no reason why I should have to shave down and spend half my paycheck on my wardrobe. So, instead, how can I avoid coming across as threatening?

—Willing To Learn, Mountain Man


Try to tune into her actions and tone of voice when you talk with her: Does she sound happy to hear from you when you call or say hello? Does she smile and look into your eyes? Does she tell you when she is free? It really helps if you pay attention to these signs. If we don’t like a guy, we find excuses to avoid meeting up with him and we turn off (not smiling, ending conversation as fast as possible). Ask her out to lunch or to a movie; if she says yes, she doesn’t hate you. Also, never call a girl everyday, as this is likely to bore her or make her too secure. Things that are not a good idea include (a) showing up at her home or work place unannounced (never do this; even if you’ve been dating for a long time, it’s still considered stalking and is the biggest, creepiest turn off!) and (b) booking a vacation for two without asking her. These kind of surprises are too pushy and in my eyes, a sign of more controlling behavior to come, even if it is disguised as a generous gesture. Just because you are a big hairy oaf, doesn’t mean girls won’t fall for you. Yoko Ono sang it best: “Every man has a woman who loves him.” Chin up and keep trying.


I have a fart question. I know you have written about how to avoid farting in front of your lover, but these cheek sneaks can’t go on forever … can they? I live with my boyfriend now and he farts around me, so when can I start farting around him? This is the first time I have lived with a guy and my first long-term relationship. I don’t want to let it all hang out and loose him, yet I hate running to the bathroom every time my ass is acting up. When is it too soon to fart without shame?

—Bloated Bellamy

Ah, the Fart Threshold. An inevitable part of living together. If he is already telling you that he loves you, then it’s OK to let one rip in front of him. You simply have to know if his love is real or not; who wants conditional love of the “If you fart, I won’t love you anymore” variety? You can make it fun by blaming it on him and then laughing. Men fart all the time; they will only be shocked the first time they hear you cut one. When you do, giggle, quickly change the subject and act like it never happened.


I just broke up with my boyfriend a little over a week ago and we agreed to be friends. Problem is, he doesn’t seem to get that we’ve broken up. He still calls me more then 10 times a day, still uses pet names and still thinks we can go out on random dates. Recently, I planned on going out with someone else. But my ex didn’t seem to get that I didn’t need his help with the new guy. He still says he loves me. Sometimes even, “I want you back,” which he then modifies with, “If you want to move on, don’t let me stop you.” What do I do about the clingy psycho?

Another problem, I’m interested in a guy that is in my lab. I can’t quite tell if the feeling is mutual. What are the normal signs you males give off? What can I say? I’m bisexual and mainly spend my time girl-watching.

—Beautiful Bi-Bitch


You wrote, “What are the normal signs you males give off?” I am curious as to why you think I’m a male. I’m a female; Google me bitch. I am also curious as to why you ended it with your ex. This would help me help you. It is normal to hold on after a break up, so his behavior isn’t really psycho, he just can’t seem to let go as easy as you can. You must be able to see his number on your phone when he calls, so stop answering his calls if you really want him to stop calling! You are not doing him any favors; you are merely making him suffer as he wants more than friendship and you don’t. You have to tell him the truth. If you want him out of your life, tell him you want a change and you need time alone to think (even if you think there is a slight chance of you two getting back together).

About the guy in your lab: If you can’t tell whether or not he likes you, it isn’t even worth your time. Men let the ladies know when they’re interested. It’s not the female’s job to drag it out of him. Men pursue, women are pursued. Naturally this doesn’t apply to gays, lesbians and bisexuals. But if it’s a heterosexual man you want, let him lead for the best results.

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