I spent Thanksgiving weekend with Joanne, my lesbian lover, in Providence. We did things together that many guys would pay to watch. Girl-on-girl action seems to be every straight guy’s fantasy; I don’t think I’ve slept with a guy who wasn’t at least curious about it. Joanne and I swapped insight about this phenomenon. “Why is it such a turn-on for men?” I asked. “What exactly is so arousing about it?” We didn’t come up with a definitive answer, but she told me a story that elucidated some of the mystery. While she was out with her friends at a club, she danced with a woman who was there with her boyfriend. The woman was clearly into it, but as their pelvises melded to the music, the boyfriend watched like a dog ready to attack. “The boyfriend was so intimidated by me they left the club and I believe he was very angry and we were only dancing,” Joanne said.  

 

What? You mean he wasn’t turned on? Wouldn’t most guys be aroused at the sight of their girlfriends dancing provocatively with another woman? Yes, but usually only if the other woman is pretty and feminine, the type most guys would like to fuck. Joanne’s friends agree that seeing two femmes kiss, touch and lick each other’s pussies is far more arousing than watching their girlfriends get fucked by a butch lesbian with a strap-on. Joanne is a very attractive butch dyke—but maybe her masculine energy triggered his male competitiveness, as if she had been a man putting the moves on his girlfriend. And perhaps her gender doubled the threat; the idea that a woman could wield sexual power over his woman made him feel small and inadequate.

These are just my assumptions; maybe the guy is overly possessive and jealous in general, regardless of the competition’s sex. But Joanne’s experience confirmed what I had already suspected: The femme preference sustains the all too common male fantasy. Still curious, I conducted a poll and found supporting evidence for this theory. “I don’t think men like watching ugly women or butch women do anything,” says Paul. “But hey, that’s just me.” Actually, Paul, it’s not just you. Bill says, “Butch is never attractive.” Rob concurs: “As I am not particularly attracted to the butch, femme/femme is more my thing.” And one man, who goes by the name of jbq, is, “… not really into the butch part unless she is bi[-sexual] and has the appeal of being one of the boys ‘helping me’ hold down a girl.” According to my research, the consensus is clear: femme over butch. 

Despite this preference, men don’t seem to mind if the women are lesbians. A boyish girl is too real for most men’s fantasies, but a couple of lipstick lesbians are as enticing as straight girls gone wild on spring break. Guys don’t give a cock-load of cum about their fantasy dykes’ sexual preference, as long as the girls like being watched. Nonetheless, the reality is most guys would rather be a part of the action than flies on the wall, and most lesbians aren’t interested in interacting with a real penis, let alone putting on a show for one. However, some guys would forego the participation and be satisfied knowing that they might learn something. Says Rob, “Two actual lesbians would be totally arousing, so long as I found them both attractive—even knowing that I could only watch would be fine ... and I’d probably be able to pick up a pointer or two, which would be a bonus. They’d have to let me jack off, though, even if I couldn’t participate.”

Assuming the guy has license to participate, why is this desire so strong? Are two pussies better than one? Is it because the man feels empowered being the only one with a cock? Aesthetics definitely play a part. Ed says, “It is such a turn on because women are naturally the sensual gender. Their very makeup is striking to look at. Like a work of art … to see two of them moving together is fantastical and arousing. And even better if there were more ...” Jbq agrees: “One beautiful woman is wonderful to look at; two of them even more wonderful; and having them kiss is so appealing, it is almost angelic to watch.” 

Beyond the pleasure of beholding “the fairer sex” in an erotic context lies the throbbing pulse of biology. Double the pussy equals double the pleasure for most men. Women may find this offensive, but it makes biological sense: when there is more than one vagina available to receive a man’s sperm, he has a greater chance at propagating his genes. This instinctual motivation may explain why the butch lesbian is unappealing in the girl-on-girl fantasy—her masculine appearance sends a subconscious signal to the male brain: Your sperm has no business with me. 

Generally, I have no business fulfilling the typical male fantasy. Men often assume I’m interested in having a threesome with them just because I’m bi and liberated. Insinuations from casual sources can get annoying after a while. Yet if I’m involved with a man who drives me wild, and he tells me he has this fantasy, and he’s never been with two women before, I’d be both aroused and honored to be the one who’ll make his fantasy come true. It wouldn’t be with Joanne though—what we do together is just too real.