Bergdorf Goodman commemorated a recent Friday the 13th by adorning its windows with the theme, “Gothic Splendor.” Baroque furniture embellished with skulls, Swarovski crystal cobwebs and sterling vampire-fang napkin rings were some of the eerily fascinating items involved. I was drawn to the display’s unusual style, but even more to its potential usefulness. Every Christmas, before leaving New York for my childhood home in suburban Philadelphia, I agonize over what to wear and how to seem successful for my, now 25, years. I make a salon appointment the week before, hoping a cut and color will result in beaming gestures of adoration. This year, let’s take a cue from Bergdorf. Keep the hair appointment but make the dye job jet black and bring “Gothic Splendor” home for the holidays. Rather than get stressed, go Goth. Here’s why:

• Cut Down on Packing. You second-guess beloved but of-the-moment items like your tweed cape, suede riding pants and patent leather belt and loathe the safety of jeans and beige sweaters. Yet year after year, you bring it all just in case. Worse, you never attend anything that requires you to change out of the jeans. This season, it’s black pants, black shirts, black boots, a black jacket and black eyeliner, the end. Maybe throw in a vintage black corset or vest. Valley Forge, Penn., will survive. 

• Add Variety to Dull Criticism. By dressing in such dramatic manner, the attention of cousins, aunts and uncles will be redirected from the usual, “You seem to be eating well in New York,” to “What? Are you going to a funeral?” or, “So you’re a vampire now? And we worked so hard raising you. Nice corset.” The svelte outfits might even have them wondering if you lost weight.

• Get What You Really Want Next Year. Your gloomy transformation will baffle loved ones out of buying you fuzzy socks and ceramic snowmen ever again. Roll your eyes and sneer your thanks this year, and a year from now, you’ll be basking in the cash and gift cards you’ve always hoped for.

• Make Your Love Life Off Limits. Appearing deeply disturbed will keep you from having to explain to your mother’s Aunt Dot that you are actually dating a few people and that the one you like best is a freelance musician who works on the holidays anyway. The extended family will take one look at you and think they’ve finally answered the question, “Why don’t you ever bring anyone home?” 

• Prevent Shower Freeze. Since hairstyles fashioned after the likes of Marilyn Manson call for a sleekness that errs on the side of greasy, you’ll be able to avoid bathing in your parents’ heat-and-water-pressure-deficient shower all together.

• Enjoy as Much Alcohol as Possible. No need to wave away that cup of eggnog, glass of red wine, hot toddy or your mother’s favorite cocktail since you left home: the Cosmo.  Have them all at once. Hangovers will only enhance the authenticity of your look. Pale skin and under eye circles are encouraged.

• Simplify Your Schedule. Parents and siblings will beg you to stay home and relax rather than accompany them to plays, pageants, ceremonies, vigils or other community-related events, where being seen with you might cause alarm, embarrassment or confusion.

• Regain Family Photo Dignity. Your nieces and nephews will either come to fear or respect you from now on. As a result, those two mini fingers peeking up from behind your head in cozy group-portraits will be a thing of the past.

• Improve Dinner Conversation. When, for the sixth straight year in a row, cousin Ted rehashes his days playing keyboard in a Beach Boys cover band, remind him that Brian Wilson once knew Charles Manson. This will serve as a segue to such riveting topics as cults, death metal, depression, drug use and the distinct challenges of city life.

• Teach Your Kin a Novel Holiday Lesson. We already know it’s what’s on the inside that counts. This holiday season, remind your relations to stop saying, “You’re so New York,” by getting in character and responding, “You’re dead to me.” If they cry or otherwise overreact, explain that you were going for more of a downtown London look. Happy holidays.