Throughout the year diligent NY Press readers plowed through the paper every week anxiously looking for that back page fix of media driven schadenfreude. Like a beautifully flawed white gem of [insert your drug of choice], the page’s crystalline highlights winked at you, and like a siren, called for you to partake of the venomous media muckraking.

That, or you were actually looking for the Horoscope, made a wrong turn past our raunched-out Sex Column and accidentally saw a bold-faced name you recognized peeking from the spine of the paper’s caboose. Regardless of how you found Hype Stalker, once you got a taste, the self-flagellation was probably too hard to resist. Standing upon the precipice of 2007, we felt it was our duty to review and properly contextualize the most important and ridiculously surreal stories of 2006. In honor of our new website (www.nypress.com) we present to you—in Blog-O-Vision—the rogues gallery of media stories that thoroughly baked your scrod ...

This year, America experienced a bizarre phenomenon: celebrity publicists unilaterally decided to screw their clients. At least, that’s the only explanation we can come up with for why stars have suddenly decided to be themselves. And what scary selves they were. Tom Cruise’s spasms on the “Oprah Winfrey Show” (and Dane Cook’s remarkable imitation on “Jimmy Kimmel Live”) looked sedate compared to the hate-filled celebrity outbursts to follow. After his anti-Semitic hissy fit sparked by getting pulled over for drunk-driving in Malibu, Calif., last July, Mel Gibson asked USA Today, “But how many people do you know get a DUI and are kicked around for six months?” Um, we think you’re missing the point here, Mel. Everybody loves a drunk celebrity driver (just look at Paris Hilton), but nobody likes an anti-Semite. Mel Gibson later told Entertainment Weekly that he empathizes with Michael Richards who, in a stand-up gig at the Laugh Factory in Hollywood on Nov.17, experienced his own case of verbal vomit. The celebrity website TMZ.com got ahold of video footage, which was then aired on YouTube, capturing Richards as he responded to hecklers in the audience with what has come to be known as the ‘n’ word. TMZ.com subsequently reported that Andy Dick followed in Richards’ footsteps on Dec. 2 at the Improv in Hollywood, loosely impersonating the ex-Seinfeld kook, repeating the term the Rev. Jesse Jackson has since implored entertainment gurus to stop using. Too soon, Andy, too soon.

Then Rosie O’Donnell, in a Dec. 5 episode of “The View,” managed to offend the entire Asian community. Joking about the excessive publicity surrounding Danny DeVito’s seemingly intoxicated appearance on the show, O’Donnell said, “You know, you can imagine in China, it’s like ‘ching chong, ching chong, chong, Danny DeVito, ching chong, chong, chong, drunk, ‘The View,’ ching chong.” Yikes. New York City Councilman, and official spokesman for Asians the world over, John C. Liu quickly fired off a letter to Rosie’s boss, Barbara Walters, to explain how offensive her comments were. For her next act, O’Donnell took on Donald Trump—probably assuming no one would be offended on his behalf.

How wrong she was. Her uncanny impression of the tycoon prompted him to issue an even nastier statement in an appearance on “Entertainment Tonight,” including his reference to her “fat, ugly face.” He followed up by saying, “I never understood: How does she even get on television?” Seems like a case of the comb-over Pot calling the loudmouth Kettle black.

—John Liu in a letter to Barbara Walters

—Rev. Al Sharpton explaining a statement made to Michael Richards on CNN 

—Mel Gibson explaining to Diane Sawyer how The Passion of the Christ prompted racist sentiments

Although the hot media trend of the moment is to sing the praises of “Web 2.0” as a beacon of light for the little guy with a voice, the truth doesn’t quite match the ideal. Most of the money changing hands and the sexy spotlights are going to social media companies that have already been acquired by large mega-corporations. When comScore reported that Rupert Murdoch’s MySpace had overtaken Yahoo! in traffic, it was clear that this meant very little for the “You” featured on the cover of Time. When Google acquired the barely two-year-old YouTube for $1.65 billion, the two founders uploaded an awkward video to their site saying, “This is great, two kings have gotten together and we’ll be able to offer even more innovative features for you…”—At which point the two billionaires broke down into a fit of ugly nerd laughter (commonly known as “the big cash-out giggles”). The social media cash-out craze has reached such a fever pitch that many seemed to be positively offended that Facebook founder, Mark Zuckerberg, a Harvard dropout, turned down Yahoo!’s alleged $1.6 billion buyout offer. And when Digg creator Kevin Rose showed up on the cover of BusinessWeek as the $65 million dollar man (a claim that proved to be false), Rose forever lost his hard-won indie geek cred, a turn that has led many to begin calling Digg yesterday’s social media news. Whether it’s Amanda Congdon leaving indie podcast Rocketboom for “ABC News” or Wikipedia taking cash from Amazon.com, the upstarts of social media are fighting against a tidal wave of big business cash that wants in on the party. 2007 is likely to tell the story of who made it past the proletariat velvet rope and how long the party lasts.  

—Mark Cuban, Media Mogul, Dallas Mavericks Owner

—Fred Wilson, Venture Capitalist, Union Square Ventures

—Dave Winer, Scripting News, RSS Co-Creator

“Good morning. I’m here in the briefing room to break some news …” So began President George W. Bush’s wonderfully childlike introduction of Tony Snow as White House Press Secretary last April. He continued, “My job is to make decisions, and his job is to help explain those decisions to the press corps and the American people.” Oh Tony, you poor bastard. Snow replaced whipping boy Scott McClellan, returning to the house on the hill for a second stint—he was director of speechwriting while George W.’s pappy was in office.  The Washington Post recently ran the headline, “Just Call Him Tony ‘I Don’t Know’ Snow,” prompted by the 562-plus phrases the former commentator employed to avoid answering toughies. The Project for Excellence in Journalism (PEJ) found that the average Snow briefing lasts about 10 minutes longer and contained about 1,064 more words than those of McClellan. But they were quick to point out that longer answers don’t necessarily mean more information. So true. Despite all the Tony Snow: Free Thinker hype, he’s no Edward R. Murrow. Even if compared to McClellan, Snow is David Hasselhoff (or whomever you find slick), his appointment amounts to a lot of press ego massaging and some empty pillow talk.

—Tony Snow to The Associated Press

OK, OK, let’s talk about it! Jared Kushner, or J-Kush as some fast young Upper East Side women like to call him, is a 25-year-old money man who purchased a small pink newspaper with a bloated staff full of old media curmudgeons in the midst of the rebirth of the Internet and the widely reported death of print. And he did it for a reported sum of roughly $10 million! This guy is either a genius about to pull off the biggest magic trick old media has seen since NY Times Select blessed us with the disappearance of Thomas Friedman from free-site visitor’s eyes, or we’re watching a kid spending his piggy bank to show off exactly how much he doesn’t have to care about losing money. At present, the paper “boasts” the talents of accused CD shoplifter/movie reviewer Rex Reed and Chelsea gallery manager/former Gawker gossip monger Choire Sicha. While it might be tempting to root for J-Kush given such a seemingly underdog position, the facts make it hard to wave such a flag. First, he’s the son of New Jersey billionaire Charles Kushner—a pretty nice start. Second, in September, The Boston Globe questioned his overall pedigree by implying his father paved his way into Harvard. The Globe said, “The most egregious example of pay-for-Crimson-play is that of Jared Kushner, now the youthful owner of The New York Observer. While Jared was applying to colleges, his dad, New Jersey billionaire developer Charles Kushner, pledged $2.5 million to Harvard, to be paid in installments …” Nevertheless, New York is a town known for comeback stories, so in 2007 look for a smaller-sized Observer, fewer dusty curmudgeons, possibly less pink and definitely more red. 

—Official at Kushner’s high school quoted in The Boston Globe

—Peter W. Kaplan, NY Observer editor speaking to the NY Times

—Jared Kushner telling New York magazine what’s hanging over his sofa.

Five years after 9/11, New York City has yet to recover. And while New Orleans Mayor Ray Nagin thinks our city should hurry up, there are far too many ghosts in this town’s closet to shut the door completely. On Aug. 10, an alleged terrorist plot to destroy 10 or more aircraft mid-flight between Britain and America utilizing liquid explosives was thwarted. As a result, travelers were forced to leave all fluids (including fancy perfumes!) behind when boarding planes to various vacation destinations. Then on Sept. 21, the Port Authority and developer Larry Silverstein finally reached an agreement on plans to redevelop the World Trade Center site. But there’s nothing like the discovery of human remains to delay a project. Throughout October, dozens of bones were unearthed in underground passages, and artifacts like lost wallets were also found. We assume these will be some of the memorabilia to be showcased at the World Trade Center Memorial Museum, to be located at the foot of the Freedom Tower (the name of which must have been chosen by Hallmark). On Oct. 11, a plane crashed into a NYC high-rise. Yankees pitcher Cory Lidle, who was piloting the small aircraft, and his flight instructor were killed, though no residents at the Belaire Condominiums at 524 E. 72nd St. were injured. CNN.com reported that more than 160 firefighters from 39 units responded to the resultant fire. Before it could be confirmed that this was not a terrorist attack, the North American Aerospace Defense (NORAD) put fighter aircraft in the air over numerous U.S. cities as a precaution, just as they did after Sept.11, 2001, and the Federal Aviation Administration banned aircraft from flying below 1,500 feet within a mile of the building. People speculated that the morning fog played a role in the crash—but if this were a horror flick, you’d have sworn you saw a ghost.

—Jay Leno on “The Tonight Show”

—Colleen Long, The Associated Press, on the subject of Belaire Condominiums

While Time magazine was still patting itself on the back for its tin foil gimmick cover, most of the Internet was still calling “Cop Out!” No one seemed to believe that the old media title really believed that “you” were the Person of the Year. Meanwhile,  on the “Internets,” Wikipedia published its one millionth article in English, just before the site’s founder, Jimmy Wales, announced a free-to-all challenger to existing news aggregators (including Digg, Newsvine and others) called OpenServing. Seeing that few media outlets were sufficiently stunned, Wales followed up with another announcement just weeks later pledging to take on the mighty Google with a new search engine called Wikiasari. After Google founders Larry Page and Sergey Brin wiped the laugh-induced spittle from their mouths and the guffaw convulsions subsided, they quietly went back to making Microsoft’s life a living hell. Wales does in fact have his work cut out for him, but with an investor war chest said to be in the $100 million range, anything is possible come 2007.

—Jimmy Wales to the UK Times

—Commenter on DailyTech.com

She’s made a name for herself as the highly respectable publisher of books like Jenna Jameson’s probing exploration into human sexuality, How to Make Love Like a Porn Star, and Jose Canseco’s, Juiced, one man’s love affair with steroids. And speaking of the Juice, Judith Regan’s fall from HarperCollins grace will forever be remembered as the result of two teeny tiny, itty bitty faux pas. Her non-book deal with O.J. Simpson never to be turned into a non-TV show was considered in poor taste (more so than Jameson’s highly descriptive account of a “huge, black strap-on”?) and the MySpace-is-my-bitch man himself, Rupert Murdoch, cancelled it amongst a torrent of criticism. We doubt, however, that his moral compass is what kept him from helping O.J. Simpson to garner royalties off a “hypothetical” confession of how he would have murdered ex-wife Nicole Brown Simpson and Ronald Goldman if he hadn’t been framed … And speaking of being framed, Hollywood attorney Bert Fields (who has represented the likes of Tom Cruise so you know he’s good at getting bulls to crap gold) threatened a libel suit against HarperCollins, dismissing Regan’s allegedly anti-Semitic remarks as nothing more than the publishing house’s excuse to fire her. Just moments before the commencement of Chanukah on Dec. 15, Murdoch sacked Regan. Some speculate due to these alleged comments reported by HarperCollins attorney Mark Jackson, which purportedly included a complaint of a “Jewish cabal” against her in the book industry and statements that the Jews “should know about ganging up, finding common enemies and telling the big lie.” What, she’s just commiserating with their plight, right?

—Judith Regan, New York Post

—Judith Regan in a statement to “FOX news”

—Stuart Heritage, Heckler Spray

The rollercoaster soap opera at The L.A. Times would actually play quite well as a television movie. The dream line-up would be: Denzel Washington as ousted Editor Dean Baquet, Michael Rapaport as ousted Publisher Jeff Johnson, Michael Douglas as imperious Tribune boss Dennis FitzSimons and Ben Kingsley as the wily would-be L.A. Times buyer David Geffen. Born and bred in Brooklyn, known on both coasts as an innovative spender and powered by his $2 billion offer for the paper, Geffen could give the title the shot in the arm it’s needed for some time. So far, most sources report that Tribune Co. has refused to reject or accept the generous bid. While Tribune shuffles its feet, Geffen is kicked back enjoying the success of his latest hit film Dreamgirls, a property he snapped up the rights to years ago for a paltry $1 million. In the interim, many media experts expect the affable Bacquet, who is still recovering from what has been called “The Election Day Massacre,” to pop up sometime soon at The New York Times in the senior editor ranks. In the wake of all the turmoil, new publisher David Hiller came up with The Manhattan Project (named, unfortunately, after the famed WWII atomic bomb project) to come up with innovative ideas that might energize a newsroom on the brink of implosion. This is all getting to be too much for us—time to pull out that battered old DVD copy of Citizen Kane to help put all this into proper perspective.

—David Geffen to The Wall Street Journal

—Dean Baquet to Editor & Publisher

—Publisher David Hiller to The New York Times

On Nov. 15, Al Jazeera English (AJE) went live and anchorman Dave Marash, formerly of ABC’s “Nightline,” was excited as a virgin on prom night. But like a condom tearing, AJE has a whole lot of people very nervous. The Arab network is reputed to provide a platform for general U.S. hatin’, including footage of Osama Bin Laden and images of dead American soldiers. Plus, it’s been known to air various anti-Semitic rants and, get this, Dave Marash is Jewish! Perhaps this is why after more than a year of trying, the new English branch has been unable to persuade a single U.S. or Canadian cable or satellite TV system to carry it. A dash of McCarthyism, a pinch of Iran’s censorship and a whole lot of U.S. arrogance. We need some Reporters Without Borders up in here. Still, most Americans can watch on the Internet.

AFP quoted Marash as saying, “One of the really important strategies in warfare … is ‘know your enemy.’” Hmmm, so it wasn’t that he was out of a job, but his duty to America as an undercover agent that prompted him to go on AJE’s payroll? The station boasts in-depth coverage and plans to offer news from a non-Western perspective. Basically, it’s the anti-CNN. Perhaps, this will be a nice alternative to America’s typical, exhaustive reporting on Miss USA and Suri Cruise.

—Conan O’Brien, the Emmy Awards

—Cliff Kincaid, who edits the conservative Accuracy in Media Report, in an interview with The Washington Post

In recent years Charlie Rose was smitten by her, and the gossip blogs loved to hate her (and her arm hair), but in the end it turned out that MySpace was her true home. Editor Atoosa “Big Momma” Rubenstein surprised many media watchers recently by announcing her sudden departure from Seventeen magazine. All her post-Seventeen hints have led most to believe she’ll be … wait for it …  starting a website! In a similarly shocking move, political reporters Jim VandeHei and John Harris jumped ship from the hallowed halls of The Washington Post to head up a website/multimedia venture called the Capitol Leader.

And perhaps most surprising, even television big shot Eason Jordan, former president of CNN, recently launched his own website called IraqSlogger.com. As the publishing tools made available by the Internet become easier to navigate by old media veterans, expect a surge of traditional media players to either unfold their own dot-com shingle, or to join the ranks of some digital upstart. Paper isn’t dead, not by a long shot, but the game has definitely changed—permanently. PREDICTION: Rubenstein will start a video blog that will become incredibly successful. Charlie Rose will visit as a guest and titter sheepishly under Atoosa’s commanding gaze.

—Atoosa Rubenstein

—Conservative pundit Michelle Malkin