By Dr. Dot
drdot@drdot.com
www.puredrdot.com

I totally love my wife, but the sex is failing ... she’ll let me do whatever I want, mostly whenever I want, but she does nothing in return. I’m miserable—like spankin’ the monkey miserable. We’re both working hard and have a busy family, so what should I do? Does this mean it’s time for an affair? Divorce?
—Fucking the Boring Golden Cage

On one the hand, you have it better than most guys: At least she lets you do whatever you want, which is more than most married men get. But it is no fun having a passive partner. Mix things up a bit; hire a babysitter and bring your wife to a hotel, or bring her lingerie shopping and fuck in the dressing room. Ask her what would turn her on. It’s a common and sad problem. The old challenge was to get the girl, now it’s keep her hot and horny. Massage, wine, hotels, porn, vacations—you really have to work at it to keep your busy wife in the mood to be your sexy bitch under the sheets.

My name is Michelle, and I am 12 years old. I am not really sure what I am—I love men, but I think more about sex with women and all that shit. I guess I wish I had a boyfriend at school, but when I get home (and sometimes even still at school), I am all about women and masturbating. I was wondering if you could help me with two things: One, what am I? Lesbian, bisexual, bi-curious, straight? And two, how can I make myself cum without my parents finding out? I masturbate when I am in bed, on the toilet and in the shower. Please help me figure this out, I feel like I’m a grown-up woman in a little girl’s body. I am ready to explore and want to be ready for when it first happens. Please don’t patronize me because of my age; I am very mature in every way.
—Lolita

Part of being 12 years old is discovering who and what you are, which could change several times in your lifetime. There is no need to label yourself, just do what you like and what feels natural. Most young girls feel more comfortable experimenting with other young girls as their bodies are so similar, and it feels safe and comfortable. It could be you end up a lesbian, or it could be that you get bored of girls and yearn for boys sooner or later. Only time will tell, and you have lots of it, so stop stressing about your genitals and concentrate on school or you won’t have a home to masturbate in once you graduate. And by the way, if your parents haven’t noticed that you are masturbating in the shower, on the toilet and in bed, I sincerely doubt they will notice you having an orgasm. Perhaps part of the reason you’re giving yourself so much attention, is because you are yearning for some unconditional love from them. Speak up—tell them you need a hug.

I’m in a serious relationship with my boyfriend of five months. We have talked a lot about our relationship and he told me that he sees a future with me, which I’m very happy about because he is an amazing guy, and I really like him. So here’s the problem:  The other night he told me that he thinks my bag is ugly. I didn’t get offended; after all, he is my boyfriend and I want him to be honest. But he also told me that he has spoiled his ex-girlfriends in the past, buying one a Gucci bag and a lot of other expensive things. I’m not a materialistic girl, but I think that’s unfair because I have done a lot more for him in these five months than his ex-girlfriends ever could.  He claims that he can see a future with me but didn’t with his past girlfriends. Yet he spoiled them and not me. Here he is telling me that my stuff is ugly, but hasn’t gotten me anything to replace it with. How should I go about dealing with this? I’m hurt and frustrated.
—Whipping Post Pauline

A lot of men start out spoiling their girlfriends and, unfortunately, each time they get hurt and/or burned, they toughen up, become harder, more jaded. That’s how they become men; a man that can focus on his career and then his girlfriend, not the other way around. Face it, if a man is completed besotted with his lady, he is soft and may find it hard to concentrate on his work, which is counterproductive if he wants to take care of his lady and their future children. It’s hard for men in that sense; they want to be kind, but have to protect themselves from being turned into powerless wads of jelly. A good man concentrates on work, but is still kind and attentive to his lady. Some lose their balance and decide, “I am never going to be that generous and sweet again; the next girl will suffer and know who the boss is!” This is indeed unfair to the next girlfriend, who is, in this case, you with the ugly bag. You have to let him know that it’s pointless to tell you about spoiling his ex-girlfriends. It’s like throwing pearls at swine, bragging about the expensive gifts while degrading your accessories (only gay men even notice a fucking hand bag!). Write him a note and say the only time you want him to mention bags is when he is buying you one or putting his “bags” on your face. You don’t have to put up with that arrogant behavior. He was obviously hurt by one of these Gucci-loving bitches and is taking it out on you. Mention that you, too, deserve to be spoiled, and it doesn’t have to be with material items either. If he won’t spoil you, make yourself available for someone who will.