By Dr. Dot
drdot@drdot.com
www.puredrdot.com

My ex will not stop stalking me. He creates different email addresses and MySpace accounts just to torment and threaten me. All I did wrong was not want him anymore. It seems I have to pay for that “mistake” for the rest of my life. What is the best way to stop such a prick in his tracks?
—Petrified Patty

It might sound drastic, but this is the way I’d handle a pesky stalker: Print out all of his nasty messages, photocopy them several times along with a picture of his face attached to the stack of papers and bring them to his work/office/parents (whoever means the most to him). With the emails, copy and paste them all into one long message and send it to everyone you both know and in the subject line write, “Isn’t he a sweetheart?” If he keeps bothering you, bring one of the booklets to the local police so that they can keep it on file. Asking a 6-foot tall male friend to visit him can’t hurt either. Hammer time.

My husband and I have broken up a few times due to his inability to remain physically true. We are both European, so cheating usually isn’t grounds for divorce (bad attitude is). After a six-month break, we finally moved back in together and now all is well, except he won’t make love to me. Recently we were driving in my car and my phone rang, it was a woman who said she’s been seeing my husband for the last 20 years and that he married me secretly so she wouldn’t find out and, basically, he’s two-timing me. I knew about this skank already, but he promised me he would delete her number. I forced him to show me his cell phone then and there. Her fucking number was still in there. I made him delete it right in front of me. I was calm but cold to her on the phone, but I ripped his face off verbally. He is seeing a therapist about his infidelity but I am wondering if you think a man like that can ever really change. He claims he wants to have a baby this year. I am lost.
—Just a Woman in Love

Next time she calls, tell her, “Two-timing? Oh honey, you got that all wrong. He is four-timing and you are just one of the holes he calls when he gets bored. Our relationship is an open one, so just take a fucking number.” An apathetic attitude is your best weapon against her. Not sure he is worth all the effort, though. He seems to have a problem with integrity in general—not a good trait. Make a mental deadline and if he hasn’t straightened up by then, you should cut your losses and move on. European or not, bullshit is an international turnoff.

My clitoris is very tiny, I mean really tiny, even when I’m aroused. This makes it pretty much impossible for me to orgasm because my clit is so sensitive. In fact, the only way I can orgasm is by masturbating. I do it by lying on my stomach with my hands flat under my abdomen and grinding my clit up against my hands. I have to have clothes on too, because it’s too sensitive without it. This is very frustrating for my husband and I because he doesn’t know how to stimulate me—every time he tries, I have to make him stop. So I was wondering, is there a way to make my clit bigger? I think this would help me a lot because the nerve endings in my clitoris wouldn’t be all in one itty bitty space, thus making it less sensitive. If there isn’t a way, then what would you suggest I do? I’ve told him what I like, but he still can’t do it. And orgasm by masturbation isn’t so great anyway … they only last about five seconds, if even.
—Clitty Cat

They have Clit Pump Cylinders out there you can buy, just like penis enlargement vacuums. I think they’re a bunch of bullshit; these tools may feel good and increase confidence by tricking people into thinking, “My clit/cock is swollen, so it must be bigger,” but I doubt they work. It may be fun playing with them though. Try using your husband instead of your hand. Do exactly the same thing you do when you wank alone, but do it on top of him with lots of lube—if you have to, start out with your panties on. If that doesn’t work, have him lick you. There’s nothing softer than a tongue for those hard-to-reach, sensitive spots.