The Lower East Side used to be off the radar of the trendsetters. And then came Moby. Back when he was popular and it was disclosed that he lived on the L.E.S., there was a new interest in the neighborhood—which had more or less been abandoned by cool artists since the days of Velvet Underground. But now, the L.E.S. has gotten so trendy that its mayor, Moby, has abandoned his digs and headed north to the retirement community of the Upper West Side.

Ouch, that stings, Moby. It’s like you got caught cheating with your older therapist, and instead of trying to work things out with us, you just walked. You didn’t even bother to tell us goodbye to our face—you let us find out about it in the papers. We understand: You probably just wanted to move because you outgrew wading through drunken teeny-bopping scenesters every time you stepped out the door. But hey, you’re the one that brought them here in the first place.

So where does that leave us? Are the MisShapes still in the hood? Is Tim Robbins still mixing drinks at his Back Room? Is Madonna still trying to build a Kaballah Center on Ludlow? What about Norah Jones? I heard she lives down the street.

I like Norah Jones. People dis her easy-listening adult contemporary sound as monotonous but, whatever, she’s got a pretty voice. Plus, Norah’s a hotty. And she was so down to earth and sweet on “60 Minutes,” we’ll take her over a self-important vegan anyway. Just kidding, Moby. We’ll take you back when you’re ready.