HOLLANDER: I would never regularly encourage a man in your state of declining physical health to watch more TV. If anything, C.J., you need to hit one of those New York Sports Club open houses. Just follow the colorful balloons to the membership desk.
But I wouldn’t blame you for staying home this weekend to watch some sports. It could be the single-most interesting New York sports weekend all year. Start with the New York Rangers at the Garden battling the seemingly invincible Buffalo Sabers in the Stanley Cup Eastern Conference Semi-Finals and for the New York state hockey supremacy. If the Rangers keep it up, they may be the best New York sports story of the new millennium. That’s Friday night and Sunday afternoon.
You can hit the Bronx to watch the A-Rod take his bat to his old Seattle Mariners at Yankee Stadium. Or tune in late night, to see the winning Mets play out in Arizona. (Just stick with the sugar-free, low-carb snacks.) I hope the Amazin’s get a chance to shell that miserable goat, Randy Johnson. If that’s not enough for you, then check out the full slate of NBA Playoff games—which, unlike their interminable regular season, are never dull.
The crown jewel of this sports weekend has to be the Cinco de Mayo pay-per-view boxing event of the 21st Century: Floyd Mayweather Jr. vs. Oscar De La Hoya. This one should actually live up to the hype. For that reason alone, I allow you to resume your corner table position at Caliente Cab Co.—one hand digging in a basket of chips; the other palming leaky burrito and streams of strawberry margarita mix dripping down your cheeks.
SULLIVAN: As I have been a member in good standing with Gold’s Gym in downtown Brooklyn for longer than I care to admit, I think I am in fairly good shape. I can lift you plus 50 pounds, Hollander.
But this weekend is hot. The Rangers will overcome the Sabers of the North. Those NHL pundits that are pointing out that the Rangers lost 4-0 to the Sabers during the regular season forget to mention that Kevin Weeks was the goalie for the Blueshirts for those losses. Our man Lundqvist will stop those goals and the Sabers are in for a fight. The Rangers may be on some kind of mission and it is nice to have playoff games at the Garden again.
A-Rod is on fire. He’ll break the record for home runs in the month of April. Now let us see him do again in May. The Yankees are in full panic mode and only A-Rod remains cool and clutch—pretty funny given all the crap he has put up with in New York.
I want A-Rod to keep this going as the Yankees keep melting down. Joe Torre is chewing through a towel a game at this point. I bet Joe wishes he had retired after last season’s debacle. It can’t be fun in the Bronx this spring. A-Rod needs to take the No. 7 to Shea and leave the Yankees after this season. David Wright has already said he is ready to take second base for A-Rod, and Valentin at second base for the Mets is 37 so it would be a nice fit.
The Nets will move into the second round of the NBA playoffs. Toronto is doomed and Vince Carter declares, “Mission Accomplished.” The Nets are the only basketball game in town as we move into May, and I like them making it into the Eastern Finals.
Boxing is also back this month. Mayweather is going to kill De La Hoya. The Golden Boy has too much rust and those crazy ass, Mayweathers will not let Floyd lose.
HOLLANDER: I beg to differ on the Toronto-Nets series. I know I’m going out on a limb here but I think once the Raptors find their sea legs they will send the Nets home. Whatever happens in that series, Vince Carter will have little to do with it. That guy is the most un-money player I’ve seen in a long time. “Wince” Carter, as they dubbed him in Toronto, possesses phenomenal talent but very little heart. Pay attention to the crucial moments of the game. That’s when Carter folds. I am rooting for Toronto not only because I got married there last summer but with two players from Slovenia, two from Spain and one from Italy they symbolize the spirit of international cooperation sadly missing among the family of nations today. If you don’t want to get on my wife’s bad side, you better start whistling “O Canada.”
And what a spring A-Rod is having! There have only been two other New York players in my lifetime whose at-bats were so compelling, making it impossible for me to change the channel when they came to plate: Reggie Jackson and Dave Kingman (and for a brief time, Darryl Strawberry). It’s the same way for A-Rod now. I look for when he’s coming up. I try to time my break away from the TNT movie to catch his turn at bat. The other beautiful thing about A-Rod’s April tear is that it mutes the nauseating talk of Barry Bonds creeping toward Hank Aaron’s record.
That Aaron himself has already declared he won’t be coming to any game where Bonds might break his record says volumes. That you and the miserable Barry Bonds share the same birthday says it all.
SULLIVAN: Like it or not, Barry Bonds is going to break Aaron’s record come this summer. I hope he does it on our shared birthday, July 24. If he does, I’ll send you a month supply of Barry Bonds Vitamin Supplements to beef up your pencil-thin arms and chicken-like legs.
The Yankees are on the ropes and need to chill. They are panicking this early, and May could be a killer for them.
You never back the Nets and your obsession with Vince Carter is just strange. The Nets move into the second round. Bet it, book it, apologize to your wife, but that is what is happening.
No matter what your sport, this week is going to be great! Play ball, shoot the puck or basketball, draft the best and watch the Golden Boy get his face messed up by Pretty Boy Floyd.
