Sometimes you grab the keys and hit the open road—with a penile pump. That was the case last Wednesday when a Yonkers man was caught self-pleasuring in a school bus after dropping off about 50 middle school kids from IS 125 at Shea Stadium. While balls were flying during an afternoon Mets’ game, Jacob Nasser, 68, was hitting a home run of a different sort. Apparently, some tourists spotted him pants-down with his pump and, needless to say, his hands were definitely not at 10 and two. The Service Bus Company driver was charged with public lewdness, endangering the welfare of a child and possession of a controlled substance (Valium, which causes drowsiness but, as for as the FDA knows, not horniness).

A week earlier, Aldo Pisano, 56, another Yonkers man, was was parked across the street from PS 230 in Kensington in a Chevy, windows down, enjoying the breeze, a skin flick on a portable DVD player. A couple of girls surprised him mid-stroke, screamed and ran away. Pisano was subsequently arrested for public lewdness and exposure. These vehicular masturbators sure do come prepared.