Unbeknownst to most New Yorkers, local thieves have apparently initiated a competition to see who can execute the stupidest automobile-related thefts. One contestant, a 47-year-old ex-con, decided to pilfer stereo speakers from a car parked in what is perhaps the most dangerous (to thieves) location short of an actual police precinct. The car Wilfredo Huertas deemed most eligible for theft was parked directly in front of the Manhattan Criminal Court, which is constantly swarming with court officials and police officers. Before he could remove the desired speakers from the trunk, the truck’s owner spotted Huertas and tackled him on the spot. It was only moments before court officers had Huertas cuffed, but unfortunately, he couldn’t expedite his impending hearing to that afternoon. The commute would have been truly unbeatable.

And in Queens, a pair of bank robbers in full black-mask regalia decided they needed to complete their textbook heist by commandeering someone’s car. A problem arose, however, when the car they deemed most eligible happened to be driven by an off-duty cop. Officer John Lopez explained this fact to the men, and swiftly pursued them when they fled. A frenzied chase up 55th Avenue and haphazard gunshots ended with Lopez shot in the leg, and one of the thieves incapacitated by a pair of Lopez’s shots. The other man, having already exhibited his resourcefulness, was found shortly afterwards hiding beneath a car in the parking lot for a nearby diner. By all accounts, this stupidity contest was a draw.