Amy Meets a Swinger


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Bobby Cashwas a friend of Paul. He used to drink at the Hell's Kitchen bar where Paulworked, but then the bar closed and they didn't see each other much anymore.Last week Paul suggested the three of us go out. I was on my way out the doorwhen the phone rang.
"Ihad to work at the last minute," said Paul. "Would you meet Bobbyon your own?"

"Idon't know. Isn't he like...in his 60s?"

"Yeah,but you'll like him. He has a very interesting sexual past." My curiosityovercame my trepidation so I slipped on a tight tank top and got on the train.

We weresupposed to meet at Mi Nidito restaurant on 8th Ave. and 51st. I knew rightaway who Bobby was. He was sitting at the end of the bar, by the service area,drinking a Heineken. He had blond eyebrows, a brown mustache and a bald headwith a fringe of brown hair that ran around the nape of his neck. He was shortand slightly hunched and he wore a cotton plaid shirt buttoned almost all theway to the top.

Bobby?"I said, tapping him on the shoulder.

"Whoare you?"

"Amy.Paul's girlfriend." I wasn't actually sure if I was his girlfriend butI liked saying it when he wasn't around. Something about the word always mademy clit do a little dance of joy.

"Where'sPaul?" said Bobby.

"Hehad to work," I said, taking a seat. "It'll just be the two of us.I hope you don't mind."

"No,"he said slowly. "You're a very pretty girl. You have classic features."

"Iknow," I said. "Two of them."

"Ihave three," he said, raising a brow. "What would you like to drink?"

"Afrozen margarita." He beckoned the bartender and ordered the drink. "Paultells me you know him from _____" I said, naming the Hell's Kitchen bar.

"Yes,"he said. "I go to so many bars I don't know where I am. Sometimes I getunder the alfluence of incohol." He paused for a beat, then let out a high-pitchedchuckle, and leaned his torso forward. I got the feeling this was what he alwaysdid after a punchline.

"That'sa good one," I said.

"Thedrunker I sit, the longer I get," he said. "Seriously, though. Youknow what turns my stomach?"

"What?"

"Apair of tits against my back."

SuddenlyI was kind of glad Paul couldn't join us after all.

"You'resuch a wicked man," I said, taking a sip of the margarita. "Paul toldme you've had some interesting sexual adventures."

"Idid," he said. "I used to have sex with girls in the hotel where Iworked."

"Whenwas this?"

"Inthe late 50s. I worked in a hotel bar on E. 40th St. and sometimes I'd takethem up to the rooms. This was a noninflationary time, and the hotels were notdoing good. The desk clerk would give me the key. I'd go out, pick up a girland say, 'I'm staying in town tonight. You want to go to the hotel?' And theywould. There was no business of, 'Who'd you have last night?' You understandwhat I'm saying?"

I nodded,glad I wasn't single in those days.

"Butthis'll flip your wig," he said. "I used to have sex in telephonebooths. You want to hear about my first telephone venture?"

"Oh,yes."

"Onthe nights I wasn't working, I'd go around the corner to Stouffer's Restaurantat Grand Central Station. They used to serve 2500 lunches and 2500 dinners andthere were 60 waitresses. I'd stand by the service area of the bar and flirt heavily. I'd threaten the girls with my eyes."

"Whatdoes that mean?"

He gaveme a Dracula look and, in a deep, gruff voice said, "You know what I'mgonna do to you?"

"Oh,"I said.

"Staringat all those 18-, 19-, 20-year-old girls, I had a permanent erection. Once Iwent into the pharmacy to get help. There was a lady behind the counter. I askedfor the male pharmacist and she said, 'I'm a registered pharmacist. My sisterand I work here. What can I do for you?' So I said, not knowing how to say it,'I have a permanent erection and it just won't go down. What could you giveme for it?' She went to the back and told her sister and then she came out andsaid, 'My sister and I have decided to give you $5000 in cash and a half-interestin the store.'" He doubled over. "You like that one? I told it toPaul the other day."

"Ido," I said. "But what about the telephone venture?"

"Onenight in Stouffer's, this girl came up to me, Eileen, let's say her name was.She's been working there a year or more, she's attractive in a very young way.She says, 'How come you never talk to me?' I said, 'I never got around to it. You're very nice. After work why don't you come around the corner to the barto get a drink?' At 9 o'clock I got to the bar. I'd told some of the other bartendersfrom the neighborhood to come. So I'm sitting there with the guys, and Eileen shows up. Next thing you know I'm holding her hand. A little while later, Ihad to make a phone call. As I go, I say, 'Come with me.'

"Sowe get into this phone booth and just out of nowhere I start kissing her. Shekisses back. I say, 'I'm sorry I didn't meet you sooner.' Now I'm developinga quite sizable erection. But I make my phone call and go back to the table with her. Half an hour later I say, 'I have to make another phone call.' Sowe went back and this time we went through all sorts of gyrations."

"Didyou do it?"

"No.I started lifting her dress-women didn't wear pants in those days. I just couldn'thelp it. I was overwhelmed. Next thing I know I whip it out. I get her hand,I put it on it, I say, 'Oh, Eileen, this is terrific.' I lift her dress andI get it into her panties. But the booth is very narrow. So I said, 'You betterget down. Someone might see us.' She gets down and I say, 'Eileen, kiss it.'That's a good thing to say. It sounds innocent. Now I'm losing my color. ButI don't drop a load. We go back to the table and start making out at the bar."

"Didthe guys know something was strange?"

"Ohyeah. They said, 'I hear they're getting rid of the telephone booths, Bobby.What are you going to do?' Later on I take Eileen over to the hotel and we goup to a room. There was a lot of kissing and then I went in there and I wastoo excited. I came immediately. It was the same with the others. I slept withprobably 40 or 50 Stouffer's girls over two years. When a girl didn't show upfor work, it scared the shit out of me."

A busboycame over to us, pointed at me and said something in Spanish to Bobby. Bobbyresponded in Spanish and the busboy busted up laughing.

"What'dhe say?" I asked.

"Hesaid, 'How many times last night?' and I said, 'Eight. I put it in, I fell out,I put it in, I fell out?'" The busboy grinned, gave me a once-over, thenwalked away.

"Howmany other telephone ventures did you have?" I asked.

"Probably20. And 99 percent of these women had no idea what a woman's orgasm was. Theythought it was their duty to satisfy the man. They didn't go, 'Oh! Oh! Oh!'Nothing like that. I was making a deposit. I thought quantity was the importantthing. I was a hedonist. Not a hedonist. What do you call it?"

"Misogynist?"

"No.What do you call it when a man, you say he's a male..."

"Chauvinist?"

"Yeah.There was never any relationship. Just one night or one half-hour. And the guysI went out with were the same. We engaged in the most awful sexual things. Nomodesty. We did everything you could think of in every possible position. Except#43, which was dangling off the chandelier."

"Didyou ever make a woman come?"

"Justonce. No, twice. I once met a beautiful girl from France at the hotel. She taughtme control. Didn't speak a lot of English. She'd say, 'You come, I keel you.'She'd make me stop and start again. I came four or five times with her overtwo hours."

"Haveyou been married?"

"Once.I got married once, without being in love. I was in the Army, the Korean War.You're afraid the world's gonna come to an end and you're gonna die. You neverknow when you're gonna get it so sex is the only pacifier there is."

"Didyou have kids with her?"

"Shesent me a letter saying she had children. I don't know what happened to them."

"Doyou wonder?"

"No.I don't even know if they're mine."

"Haveyou ever felt lonely?"

"No.It's funny. I used to go to so many bars and make so many acquaintances, maleand female. I've never gotten a depressed feeling where I hope I'll be withsomeone."

He tooka pull on his Heineken. I'd almost finished my margarita and it had gone straightto my head.

"I'mdrunk," I said. "I should probably go home."

"Willyou be all right?"

"Yeah."I stood up, put my arm around him and then kissed him on the cheek. It was smoothand taut and I kept my lips against it for a second. Bobby was the dirty olderuncle I never had. I couldn't wait to see him again.

"Itwas good to meet you," I said. "Where you going after this?"

"Yougot any ideas?" he said lasciviously. Then we laughed loud together. Idowned the rest of my drink and headed home.





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