As a neighborhood, Park Slope isn’t particularly known for playing with balls.
Sure, bars feature pool aplenty, but where’s the Skee-Ball sweeping Greenpoint? Or the pétanque overtaking Carroll Gardens and Red Hook? Heck, even Brooklyn Heights—Brooklyn Heights!—offers bocce at Floyd, NY. It’s a sad day when Brooklyn Heights is a trend-setter.
But wait—what’s happening near the Park Slope Food Coop? Is that a bocce ball flying like a WWII carpet bomb? Oh, yes, baby. Is it stolen from Brooklyn Heights? Sort of. Union Hall, as the bocce newbie is known, is Floyd, NY’s little brother—on steroids and human growth hormone, that is. Located inside a former kitchen-cabinet warehouse, this bi-level bar stretches bowling-alley long. This enables a charming multiple-decor disorder.
The front room is a distinguished gentleman’s club perfect for pipe smoking. Comfy couches, floor-to-ceiling bookcases (stocked with leathery encyclopedias and curiosities like A Man’s Woman and Toxic Parents), U.S.S.R.-era globes and paintings of fez-capped grandpas are some of the accoutrements that filled two storage spaces during the bar’s nine-month build.
“We just kept collecting all this weird, wonderful stuff,” explains co-owner
Jim Carden.
Union itself grows more wonderful as the intimate lounge leads to dual, grey-clay bocce courts. They’re surrounded by booths, where gluttons munch Floyd’s spicy Kentucky beercheese ($4), mini-burgers ($11) and milk and cookies ($5), while outside, a barn-door-enclosed patio offers smokers’ seating. The oft-tipsy hordes jive to an indie-rock soundtrack (check out the jukebox’s hairless Abe Lincoln and George Washington doll heads), before dipping underground to enter Carden’s “old explorers club.”
It’s equally frightening, fascinating and comforting. Bartenders dispense drafts in front of a glass curio containing a taxidermied bird and primate skulls. This lubricates a crowd perched on Victorian couches, ogling variety acts and music on the vaudeville-like stage. Befitting a quirky environment, comic Eugene Mirman offers a Sunday-night ha-ha show, joining oodles of bands and a monthly “Mr.Wizard–ish science night,” Carden says.
Science?
“Yeah, we’re getting people on stage to perform experiments.”
Umm, awesome. And indicative of Union Hall’s Baskin-Robbins–like bounty: there’s a flavor for everyone. But how well do they combine? Is it a divine fit, like chocolate and vanilla, or is it rainbow sherbet and mint chocolate chip?
One evening, I visit a room packed tighter than sausage casing. The men’s-club section overflows with khaki-dressed friends, lesbian couples and business-sector meatheads bullshitting about sports and drugs.
“Canada is where all the drug rejects play,” says one button-down chap.
In other words, a scene refreshingly lacking Williamsburg cool, which suits Union Hall. It’s so earnest in execution, the bocce players rolling balls with life-or-death intensity, that it transcends irony, as does the beer selection. Mostly. Highbrow hoppy Lagunitas IPA ($5), local-fresh Sixpoint ($6) and ethereal Chimay ($9) are complemented by lowbrow, overpriced Pabst and Schlitz ($3).
The slightly elevated cost could be overlooked if drinks were served lickety-split. Ten minutes pass at the half-packed bar before my hand holds a beer. An isolated experience would be forgiven, but it was a recurring epidemic on each successive visit, like the clap in a cathouse.
“What, do they have to ferment the beer themselves?” a perturbed friend asks, before being soothed by the bocce courts. These are truly the piece de resistance. Cushy leather pads line the walls, so teammates waiting to toss can relax in comfort. Such touches, as well as a half-dozen tiled unisex bathrooms, truly make Union Hall a special butterfly.
My first impression was, “Holy shit.” In my journal I scribbled “impressed beyond words. How can this be Park Slope?” The bar offers downtown style mixed with Brooklyn’s trademark down-to-earth friendliness. This is a win-win combination that attracts everyone, which creates a problem. Early on, Union Hall’s an enormous refuge. Bocce courts are available in five minutes, and there’s space to sprawl. Yet as hours evaporate, the upstairs becomes as crowded as an Upper West Side meat market.
Arguments mount over who’s throwing bocce next and spilled beer muddies the clay court. Calm-seeking customers are driven underground, which is a minor blessing. Down here, the air is cool. Relaxed locals chitchat convivially and drinks are served like lightning. It’s a perfect bar within a bar, a fine reminder that, while bowlers gleefully roll, no one needs a ball to have one at Union Hall.
Union Hall
702 Union St. (at 5th Ave.), Park Slope, Brooklyn
718-638-4400
