Hillary Clinton is really taking this technology thing seriously. First she launches a text messaging service to keep supporters informed of campaign updates, and now she has voiced, through YouTube, her desire for the general public to pick her campaign theme song. “I hope people from across the country will go to my website and vote for the song they feel best represents our message of change and their hopes for a better America,” Clinton said. “And I promise to leave the singing to the professionals.”
A general public vote on the theme song is probably a good idea for Clinton since her husband’s taste in music, at least judging from his own campaign theme, is atrocious, and the apple might not fall far from the spousal tree. In 1992 Bill Clinton went with the dreadful “Don’t Stop” by Fleetwood Mac. Sure, Bill was of the classic-rock era, but he couldn’t have picked a weaker representation of the genre. Hillary has some stinkers on her prospective list as well, starting with “I’m a Believer,” Smash Mouth’s version of the old Monkees’ tune. A cover song sends the wrong message, that you’ll settle for an imitator. Smash Mouth is out.
Hillary’s list also includes two U2 songs: “Beautiful Day” and “City of Blinding Lights.” Since it was released, “Beautiful Day” has been the theme song for every sports highlight reel, from the New England Patriots 2002 Super Bowl victory to the local high school’s JV track championship. There’s nothing original there. And do we really need to foist Bono onto the political stage for yet another year? Nothing could be more boring. Let’s keep U2 on the ESPN loop through 2008 and out of politics, if that’s even possible. Well, it’s possible for Hillary. U2: out.
Another choice for the Hillary fan is “Suddenly I See” by Scottish rock princess KT Tunstall, which is the hippest choice on the list. But Senator Clinton must have failed to read the lyrics, since no one would ever believe the chorus would match her legendary ambition: “Suddenly I see/This is what I wanna be/Suddenly I see/Why the hell it means so much to me.” Is anybody convinced that Hillary Clinton only recently decided to run for president? Not if they’re conscious. Sorry KT, find another campaign.
And now we come to the Dixie Chicks selection on the list, “Ready to Run.” Whatever the musical merits of the Dixie Chicks, and this song might be, Hillary cannot possibly be serious about choosing their song as her campaign theme. The right already hates her, does she need the extra baggage of supporting the “we’re ashamed of the president” trio? His approval ratings might be god awful, but President Bush isn’t running in 2008. Other Republicans are, and the GOP probably wouldn’t hesitate to bring up the Dixie Chicks’ history of bashing the president on foreign soil during wartime. This is a self-inflicted wound, so the Dixie Chicks gotta go.
“Right Here, Right Now,” by Jesus Jones? Come on, Hillary. While U2 might be the soundtrack to the sporting history of high school America, Jesus Jones occupies an even lower point in American culture. Chances are if you graduated from high school in the early to mid-1990s “Right Here, Right Now” is the soundtrack to your video yearbook, probably after another old chestnut of the world of remembrance, the Scorpions’ “Winds of Change.” Nothing says corny quite like “Right Here, Right Now,” and I doubt that Hillary wants to come off corny. Jesus Jones is no good. And for that matter, she should stay away from the Scorpions while she’s at it.
There are three songs left on the list, and the safest choice would have to be “Rock This Country!” by Shania Twain. It’s an older tune, but it’s tame enough to be a campaign theme. At the same time, Hillary stays away from falling into the gender trap by picking a more obvious Twain song, like “Man, I Feel Like a Woman,” which would have represented nothing more than a play to the “let’s start the gynocracy” voter demographic that Senator Clinton probably already has sewn up.
But the real gems on the list are two R&B singles: “I’ll Take You There” by the Staple Singers and “Get Ready” by The Temptations. Both songs convey the message of change that Clinton sees in her campaign, and both songs are classics, meaning no one will be making fun of her pick 20 years from now during a “worst campaign songs” segment on CNN. And since I’m partial to them, I’ll cast my vote for The Temptations.
There is a write-in slot, but write-in candidates never win national elections. For a write-in, let’s pick something crazy. How about the Slayer classic “Raining Blood”? That would get people talking.
