| IF HE BUYS YOU... |
HE MIGHT ALSO GIVE YOU... |
BECAUSE... |
| An E-Card |
Crabs | You can contract crabs from clothes and towels just as easily as you can from sex. We thus deem crabs the most impersonal of STDs—the bad E-card from that guy you thought you liked, until a cartoon bear holding a heart balloon landed in your inbox. |
| Dinner | Chlamydia | Dinner is one of the more generic Valentine’s Day gifts, depending on where you’re dining of course. Chlamydia is the most commonly reported STD in the United States, easily treated with drugs and as easily forgotten as another plate of steak frites. |
| Red Roses |
Gonorrhea | Like chlamydia and syphilis, gonorrhea is completely curable with antibiotics. By the time those red roses have dried up and died, you’d have this one nipped in the bud with antibiotics. |
| Chocolate | HPV | So many different kinds of candy in the shop … so many different types of HPV. This STD is all about variety, with over 30 types of genital HPV. HPV is also the most common STD in the United States for both men and women. |
| Jewelry | Herpes | They say a diamond is forever. Well, so is herpes. Luckily the infection is often asymptomatic, as easily tucked away in a drawer and forgotten about as that tacky bracelet you wish your boyfriend hadn’t picked out on his own. |
