RYAN BRENIZER
Jennifer Dzuria, the mastermind behind the Williamsburg Spelling Bee [June 8, Pete’s Candy Store, 709 Lorimer St., at Richardson St., Brooklyn; 7:30, FREE] and Monday Evening Stand-Up at Pete’s Candy Store, has comedy events planned for almost every week this summer. We asked her to tell us a few jokes to get us in the mood. Here’s what she came up with:
1. I saw a light switch with a sticker on it that said ‘Turn me off when you’re done using me.’ I said, “That light switch has low self-esteem.”
2. I turned 30 recently. I wasn’t looking forward to it, because they say 30 is the new 20, and I was afraid my birthday would hit, and all the sudden I wouldn’t be able to pay my phone bill, and I’d think men in bands could commit.”
3. “Because of the economy, I tried to cut back on Botox, which causes my face to show emotion, which only pisses me off, which only compounds the problem.”
4. “I think the slogan ‘Cigarettes are eating you alive’ is really insensitive to people who are being eaten alive. By bears.”
1. I saw a light switch with a sticker on it that said ‘Turn me off when you’re done using me.’ I said, “That light switch has low self-esteem.”
2. I turned 30 recently. I wasn’t looking forward to it, because they say 30 is the new 20, and I was afraid my birthday would hit, and all the sudden I wouldn’t be able to pay my phone bill, and I’d think men in bands could commit.”
3. “Because of the economy, I tried to cut back on Botox, which causes my face to show emotion, which only pisses me off, which only compounds the problem.”
4. “I think the slogan ‘Cigarettes are eating you alive’ is really insensitive to people who are being eaten alive. By bears.”
