Watch out, Santa—those might not be chocolate chips in the cookies! Dec. 22, Christmas will get a little nasty as director, writer and all-around pervert John Waters brings his holiday show to town. Putting the X in Xmas will feature Waters opining about perfect gifts, falling trees and whether or not Santa is diddling the reindeer. We caught up with Waters to find out what’s stuffing his stocking this season.
New York Press: How did you decide to put together a Christmas show?
John Waters: It started because I always loved Christmas. In [my memoir] Crackpot I wrote a chapter called “Why I Love Christmas” and I was asked to do a show at the Castro Theater in San Francisco [based on that chapter] and it worked, so I’ve been touring with it since 2004. I did it one time in New York, but it was the day of the transit strike so I had to hitchhike to the Bowery Ballroom.
What about Hanukkah?
I don’t know Hanukkah well enough to make fun of it in a great way. All of the Jewish people I know in show business get off for three weeks. It’s a better religion; you get more holidays.
No matter the religion, do you have gift-giving tips?
I think recycled gifts are a no-no. You should demand a receipt! I find fruit baskets offensive; I can buy a fucking pear. I want poppers or liquor or something I would feel bad buying. How about a cigarette basket? You should give people things they would feel guilty to buy,
like candy.
What’s the best gift you’ve ever given?
My friend Denis is obsessed by Friday the 13th and I have a friend married to a producer, so she got me Jason’s mask from one of the films. She sent it to me but they delivered it to the wrong house. Next door at the time was a frat house and they opened it and kept it. We called the police and said it was stolen and they came in—it was like somebody stole Dorothy’s shoes. It got into the paper and got national attention, so I think the kids at the frat house got really uptight when they realized what they had. They left it in a mailbox with a note—the police had to send the bomb squad because it was the time of anthrax—and the police called us and we had to go down and get it. That was my favorite Christmas drama, and no innocent frat boys were hurt.
Do you think Santa and Mrs. Claus are still amorous?
I picture Santa more as a bachelor—I don’t think about Mrs. Claus. I think he’s hanging out with Prancer. Prancer sounds like a gay reindeer to me.
> Putting the X in Xmas
Dec. 22. B.B. King Blues Club, 237 W. 42nd St. (betw. 7th & 8th Aves.), 997-4144; 8, $39.50 and up.
