We don’t speak French very well, but this response we received to Sarah Elder’s Flavor of the Week column entitled “My Homo in Paris” doesn’t sound so authentic. “Sarah,This is Sylvain. How dare you? Your expectations for our intercourse were—how do you say?—blown out of proportion. For heaven´s sake, I am not Marquis de Sade. I would, however, like the opportunity to redeem myself and my countrymen.” We’ll keep you posted on whether Ms. Elder gives her fumbling frog friend another chance.

In other Flavor news, Stephen Vesecky’s story,“Such Great Heights,” is still attracting plenty of attention. One reader wrote in, “I think if and when he gets laid, he will give up the ghost. Aren´t there any women out there willing to grab this guy by the nuts and hump the bejesus out of him? Once he´s pumped, I’m sure he´ll straighten out.”While another said, “If you´re a decent person, you very early on realize that you don’t need to ‘bang’ every available woman, as following that impulse can have a host of unfortunate consequences. The narrator here did what many a ‘nice boy’ has done: let his urges take him a bit too far before his better judgment (hilariously) saved the day.Wonderful NYC neurosis in the spirit of Woody Allen.”

We’ve Got An ‘adjective’ Or Two… In response to Armond White’s review of Police,adjective, some of our Europeans readers got their international feathers quite ruffled. “Europeans can enjoy American movies while Americans cannot enjoy the majority of our productions. Be it French, German, Italian, Romanian, you name it.The average American doesn’t even know the countries of Europe so let´s just not compare... Don´t be sad, it´s just the surrogate world you are living in, not your fault,” said one. Another chimed in, “It´s obviously how inappropriate to consumers from the U.S. real movie making is. Hardly 5% of the Americans can actually enjoy good cinema.”

Ban Geeks

Meanwhile, some folks are forwarding a petition to “ban” our chief film critic, but others have rushed to his defense. “Is it possible to ban one of the greatest writers, not only in the history of cinema, but in the history of the written word? Keep clawing away at the aristocracy, you’re so adorable,” writes one starry-eyed admirer of White’s. But you can’t win ’em all; an angrier reader tells us, “In fact, no matter who you read, chances are their writings will be superior to anything ever penned by White. Of course, his sort-of pathetic, equally incoherent and silly acolytes will continue to worship at his throne, confusing his tired, redundant, clichéd, rambling and often incoherent pieces for something profound.The rest of us know better.”