At least until a famous
screenwriter parodied the practice in a blog post called “Speed Shrinking, Oy, vey!” A Tufts
newspaper editor debated the cultural phenomenon, as if anyone else had ever
done it before I’d hosted a soiree with eight therapist author friends. An American
Psychiatric Institute member decreed that confessing your problems to multiple
psychoanalysts in a public setting desecrated the integrity of the profession
because there was no patient/doctor confidentiality. Then a guy at “Diagnostic
Voices of the Community” website labeled it “disturbing” to get counseling from
someone who hadn’t assessed you long-term—threatened as if I was stealing his
patients.
“It was a book party, you
moron,” I emailed him.
“If you post angry
responses, the whole blogosphere will hate you,” warned my brother Eric.
“But these eggheads are
ridiculous,” I said. “I’m an author plugging their field!”
Indeed, the pro-therapy
response from the first party I hosted at a neighborhood bar was overwhelming.
All 100 guests and eight speed shrinkers pushed me to plan another one. After
more ink, I began hearing from strangers: anxious patients asking for
invitations, psychiatrists and reporters requesting interviews and invitations
to the next event. My husband, who hated my impatience, disdain for small talk
and penchant for psychoanalyzing everyone, said, “You’ve invented the exact
thing that only you were put on this planet to create.”
I next threw parties at a
local bookstore and the college where I taught, the publishers donating books
so proceeds could go to an AIDS charity and scholarship funds for broke
students. Afterward, more than 20 attendees went on to schedule regular therapy
sessions. I’d inadvertently provided a service that assisted the industry and
maybe even came up with an antidote to mend the country’s nonexistent mental
health plan.
It seemed apt since therapy
did save my writing career. Like everything I’ve published thus far, Speed Shrinking was based a true story. My own shrink, Dr. W, an addiction specialist
who’d helped me quit cigarettes and alcohol, inspired it. Contrary to my belief
that smoking and drinking were helping my work, they were actually fucking it
up. In the process of getting clean, Dr. W insisted that I hadn’t had the
publishing or financial success I wanted over the past two decades because I’d
been trying to publish like an addict, being impatient, cutting corners, not
really listening. Slowing down,
heeding his warnings and taking all of his advice, I sold my first hardcover at
age 43 and followed that with several nonfiction books.
When Dr. W moved to another state, I got addicted to
cupcake icing and needed a fast
replacement for my shrink and sugar habit. Dr. W charged $200 a pop; shrinks on
my insurance network were only a $25 co-pay per session. An impatient freelancer who liked
journalism because it was literature with A.D.D., I interviewed eight shrinks
in eight days, desperate to land Dr. W’s clone, probably trying to outrun the
pain he constantly accused me of denying. I’d been Dr. W’s devoted patient for
more than a decade and his office was two blocks away from my apartment. This
being Greenwich Village, thousands of local mind tenders popped up in my
computer search. When the office of a potential healer was across the hall from
my literary agent, I’d stopped by to tell her. “I hope you’re taking notes,”
she said. I did, turning it into a memoir that didn’t sell. Then, based on the
advice of my editor and my shrink (that “no never means no”), I tried
autobiographical fiction that ended with me quitting my new shrink, old shrink
and therapy altogether. That led to the book deal for my first novel.
Ironically, the process of “Speed
Shrinking” worked better for my plot and PR than my life. I did find another
shrink. Alas he said, “eat junk food when you feel like it,” which led to more
pig-outs and weight gain. I ran back to (the slender) Dr. W, doing phone
sessions and seeing him when he came to town. Discussing business strategies to
publicize my long-awaited first novel, he advised, “Sometimes you have to spend
money to make money.” So I blew most of my advance on these kooky parties and a
brilliant press guru who said first fiction rarely gets on TV and instead
promoted my novel like nonfiction; my “platform” was being a shrinkoholic.
I was thrilled that Dr. W was impressed with all of
the flattering coverage I received. Since he was a father figure whose approval
had unlocked my potential in the first place, I felt honored he agreed to be a
speed shrinker at my last event, his face captured by two national TV crews.
Yet we had a horrible fight when he treated a close female protégé of mine
without asking me first. I had to pay him for a real session afterwards to
analyze the Oedipal triangle. Meanwhile, people from 10 countries are pushing
me to throw international speed shrinking parties while, despite the wildly
successful and expensive press campaign, nobody remembers it’s a book.
Susan Shapiro is hosting a Speed Shrinking party July 21
at Housing Works, 126 Crosby St. (betw. Jersey & Prince Sts.), 212-334-3324;
7, Free.






