Astrology is all bullshit. At least, that’s what you Virgos would have us believe; that you’re not as organized or anal as the horoscope cabal makes you out to be. Stop freaking. No one could accomplish the superhuman feat of squeezing an extra three hours into every day without seriously having their shit together. We like that about you. I’m simply urging you to harness that organizational force to make time for some constructive relaxation, too. This week, show us what you can accomplish from the comfort of a beach chair, tropical drink in hand (something with a tiny umbrella). Get some sun while you get stuff done.

The Libran stereotype dictates that you’re shallowly obsessed with beauty. The reality is that although nearly all Libras have a keen awareness of appearance and style, in most cases they don’t elevate it above more intangible qualities, like humor, or chemistry–at least when dealing with other people. You occasionally fail to extend that enlightened approach to one person, however: you. Extinguish your tendency to magnify and negatively judge your own flaws and blemishes. You’re kind enough to cut other people some slack; won’t you do the same for yourself?

Since March, you’ve been skiing downhill, backwards, a lot–even when you really wanted to climb up. Just stopping on the icy slopes has been nearly impossible. Now that your ruling planet, Pluto, is emerging from retrograde (when it appears to move backwards in the sky), you can finally unstrap your skis and slog uphill in the rapidly melting metaphorical snow. It’s a shame to have lost so much ground in so many vital areas, but don’t dwell on it; you’ve got your work cut out for you: demonstrate your aptitude for radical shifts by not only catching up to where you last left off, but blazing past that old stopping point until you’re in a whole different time zone.

Your recent roles have surprised even you: a regular shoulder to cry on; a stagehand in someone else’s show; a doting mama figure (a tiny stretch for you Sag guys); and a cleaning assistant, required to mop up messes even the head janitor wouldn’t touch. Still, I hope that you’ve found time and energy amidst all this nurturing to take care of yourself, too, or you won’t be able to handle the protective tasks the universe may require of you in the coming weeks, like rescuing someone from a burning building (real or metaphorical) or defending the defenseless with no weapon sharper than your tongue. If you don’t take care of yourself, you might also miss an imminent opportunity to perform an anonymous good deed so magnificent that years of bad behavior would be instantly expunged from your karma.

You’re astrologically outnumbered. Several planets have targeted your innate resistance to wild change. Mercury (often an agent of transformation) plans to distract your stern ruling planet while Uranus and Mars duct-tape him to a chair and leave him in an abandoned warehouse somewhere. For a short time, you’ll be freer than you’ve been in ages. Don’t waste this chance to take the flying, reckless leaps you’ve been longing for, but have been too cautious to actually do. Don’t live in fear of your potential mistakes and misjudgments; when Saturn reenters the picture, he’ll help you pick up any broken pieces, and grudgingly admit that you’re stronger, smarter and way cooler than you were before you got so daring.

Betty the crow has learned how to make and use her own tools. A research team at Oxford tested her by putting a bit of food just out of reach. Taking a straight piece of metal wire, she learned to bend it into a hook to grab the treat. Pretty clever, eh? You might also be surprised by the new tricks your most small-minded opponents have learned. Don’t underestimate them. If a bird with a brain the size of a grape can fashion exactly the right implement to get what she wants, might not your dumbest adversary be capable of a similar feat?

I’ve often mentioned your recurring desire for a buffer between your sweetly sensitive psyche and the harsher edges of the world, but this week you won’t be needing anything like that. Right now, you’re Popeye barely post-spinach. Your metaphorical biceps are bulging, granting you the ability to confront and take out virtually anything or anyone in your sphere that you find offensive. Don’t waste your chance. Before you know it, your canned green strength will fade and you’ll feel compelled to cower behind Olive Oyl again. Wouldn’t it be nice if one of the things you used to hide from is simply no longer there?

Take off your boxing gloves. The fight you’re preparing for is going to get dirty. Although you’re a little glad that the reasonable–and boring–conflict resolution fell through, it’s frustrating to see just how pointless (and almost certainly dangerous) this scrap will be: neither of you will change the other’s mind. Since you’re going to brawl anyway, why not make constructive use of the peripheral violence? Line up some of your most annoying hindrances and let them get smashed in your head-butting contest. Once the fight is over, it won’t really matter who won: you’ll be a few band-aids and an icepack heavier, minus a couple hundred pounds of unnecessary baggage.

What a poker match! You can’t afford to lose some of the things you wagered, so you’ve absolutely got to win this hand. Unfortunately, the dealer tossed you a load of crap, so it’s time to do something you’re astonishingly good at, despite your lack of practice: hold your cards close to your chest and bluff. Your ability to pretend convincingly and exude boisterous confidence is essential. Make the best of what you’re dealt, but don’t count on it. As far as everyone else at the table is concerned, you’ve got four aces.

It’s a tremendous burden, being so popular and in demand, isn’t it? Still, as much as you get off on the constant flurry of activity, there are moments when you wish you could just duck into a sensory deprivation tank to give your overstimulated brain a much-needed break. Because it doesn’t look like you’ll be slowing down any time soon, I suggest you give this impulse some consideration; at the very least, take a few minutes every day to just be still and breathe, even if you have to do it in a bathroom stall between meetings.

In some places–like where I live, New York–women are legally allowed to go topless anywhere men can. In practice, however, when they do so they’re usually harassed, ogled and shamed. Although more women would probably exercise this right if it were no big deal, few care enough to endure the hassle they’d get now. With this week’s full moon in Aquarius, though, you might be willing to weather a great deal of criticism to prove a treasured point. Still, whatever outlandish thing you feel compelled to do, have a backup plan. For example, if you decide to bare your melons (or help someone bare hers) in public, bring a bra and t-shirt, in case the aggravation that results is more bother than it’s worth.

Can you imitate the horned lizard? Since you’ll be facing metaphorical predators much larger and faster than you, its tactics could come in handy this week. First, it’s camouflaged to help it blend into its arid brown habitat; it’s even smart enough to press itself against the ground so its shadow isn’t visible. However, when discovered and cornered, the reptile has another line of defense: it can spray blood out of its eyes for several feet. Most attackers are so horrified by this bizarre behavior that they beat a hasty retreat. Don’t leap right off to such a gruesome last resort, though; like the lizard, try more conventional methods to avoid confrontation. However, don’t rule out more desperate measures, if you’re left no other choice.