WE CAN ALL learn a little something from Derek Nicholson and Nikole Nagle. Or to be more specific, we can all learn one thing: how not to go about faking your own death. The Newark couple gave it the ol' college try last summer, with Nagle claiming Nicholson had drowned off a Long Branch beach, but things didn't work out the way they planned. They should have remembered a few simple rules:

• Don't plan to "die" four days after taking out a $1 million life insurance policy. That always looks fishy.

• Don't contact the insurance company asking for your $1 million check less than a week after the "death," and before any "body" has been found. It looks suspicious, and insurance companies won't pay out if there's no corpse.

• Upon discovering that you need a corpse to get the payoff, don't call authorities and anonymously report that you've just seen a body that matches your description.

• If the dead person is going to mysteriously reappear, he or she should never claim amnesia. Nobody buys that one.

• If you're planning to mysteriously reappear, be sure to wear the same clothes you were wearing when you "disappeared."

• And for god's sake, while you're still "missing," don't stay in constant contact with loved ones via easily traceable phones.

• Finally—this is very important—while "missing and presumed dead," you should not be a suspect for armed robbery or other crimes. It'll just come back to haunt you should the faked-death thing not pan out.

Keeping these seven simple rules in mind—something Nicholson and Nagle neglected to do—will certainly help make your life (and lack thereof) much easier in the months that follow. Because the pair didn't think ahead, they're currently facing up to 10 years each on insurance and wire fraud charges.