Bash Compactor: Girls Gone Wild

A group of thick-necked Sicilians eyed me coolly when I stepped into HK for an ’80s party thrown by a cabal of ageless club kids including Michael T and Adult Video Network’s 2008 “Transsexual Performer of the Year” Allanah Starr. Starr jiggled up in a colorful Cavalli ensemble. “Don’t you worry about them, they’re Dina Delicious’ family,” she said. “Come on, we’ll give you an interview.”

She led me down to the basement. Two black trannies were changing costumes under the watchful gaze of a pimp. Starr, not to be outdone, decided to whip out one of her silicone boobs, too. “Make sure you write they’re Ds, darling,” she said. Promoter Delicious came down the steps, stretched out her arm, waved her hands and said, “This is my party, honey.”

The duo tried to do a Patti LuPone-Liza Minnelli cabaret number but couldn’t quite get it together; so Starr scurried into a coat rack and hid. Delicious launched into a soliloquy on the death of NYC nightlife. Peeking out from the coats, Starr said Delicious should go back to Covenant House, but there was no stopping her by then. I pulled a couple of drink tickets from her hand and booked up the basement steps.

Epiphany, a friendly redheaded girl wearing 1940s eveningwear, bought me a drink. “You see that guy,” she said, pointing to a straight looking, sad-eyed man perched on the back of a loveseat. “That’s my father.”

I guzzled down my drink and went over to him. So,I was just talking to your offspring;what do you think of this? “You’ve caught me at a kind of a weakened time,” he said. Then he grabbed my arm, yanked me close and asked, “What do you think about this.” I turned my neck to find a cross dresser in a schoolgirl outfit tea-bagging a frumpy woman who had passed out on a nearby couch. “It’s, um interesting.” Dad let go of my arm. “Tell me about it.”