While most New Yorkers gag at the thought of venturing anywhere as touristy as Madame Tussauds, it's worth at least one visit, just like the Statue of Liberty. Like many dorky outings, its best to tug along a child with you on this one so as to diffuse any accusations of tourism.
Speaking of saliva, Tussauds' 4-D theater, a misnomer of marketing jargon, combines 3-D images with physical effects like the smell of chocolate, movement vibrations, simulated wind or snow, and an old man spitting water in your face. Yes, the water actually hits you in the face, your clothes, and the potentially expensive camera you may be carrying. The theater will play the Polar Express 4-D Experience until Jan. 1, an abridged version of the feature movie with five different Tom Hankses.
Sure to entertain all children and adults who enjoy simulated sensory experiences over real ones, the amount of time and engineering spent on these “4-D” experiences is impressive. However, as a nerdling who has watched too much Star Trek (except for the Nemesis movie and—that shit was terrible), I abhor the use of “4-D” to describe an experience that has nothing to do with the space/time continuum. It’s sensory theater, not objects moving through space! Data is an android, not a cyborg!
Calming your nerves is the walk through the wax museum itself, which is deliciously creepy and opens with a beautifully coiffed RuPaul perched on a fountain. The museum is constantly updated to reflect the sad and sordid lives of celebrities, featuring true to life scenarios created by brilliant wax engineers, such as Britney Spears hanging upside down from a pole with her fake (or does the wax count as real? I’m now thoroughly confused) cleavage heaving up down; and a zesty J-Lo with gorgeous locks who actually blushes if you whisper in her ear. After repeated attempts to blow in her ear—mustering gusto that the gaunt Marc Anthony never could—I failed to make La Lopez blush...just like real life!
