Are you and your model friends always having trouble finding a place to go? Do you feel like an outsider? Are the doors too heavy to open and the lines too tiring to stand in? I understand, it’s not easy being a model, believe me I know. Don’t worry because the kind people at Delicatessen are opening their doors to the frail and the famished. With hearts filled with love and charity, they have opened a models only lounge that is only available to those who have been outcast by our society. It’s a Garden of Eden of models where no ugly, short and nutritionally stable individuals will come attacking with deep-fried snacks and pouches of Capri Sun.
Hey models, this is an exclusive club so you cannot be bringing all of your bitches. No, this is a place only for card carrying models. Yes, they carry cards. You don’t see them carrying cards? Check the deep recesses of their collarbones–boom! There they are. While we are in full support of this model sanctuary, especially in these troubling times, it got us thinking… What if there were a lounge not for models, but for model citizens.
To get past the Model Citizen club’s velvet rope (probably a hemp rope because velvet has been deemed environmentally unfriendly) you most flash a smile which proves you have had the proper orthodontia and then show your voter registration card. Once you make it inside you need to be ready to discuss sports, culture, arts, the environment and politics. At various times during the night there will be club employees that drop piles of trash on the floor and you must be ready to pick them up and recycle what you can—the rest should be composted at home. The bathroom attendant and valet should not be tipped in cash, but in life lessons because, “Give a man a fish; you have fed him for today. Teach a man to fish; and you have fed him for a lifetime.” But if you should see a model just give her the damn fish—she probably needs to eat.
