There’s a joke that asks, “What does a gay man bring on a second date?” The answer, of course, is, “What’s a second date?”

Tonight at Union Hall, comedian Brent Sullivan will help the gays get halfway to the mythical second date when he hosts the bar and club’s first-ever Gay Speed Dating Night.

With $2 beer specials to make the night less awkward, it’s shaping up to be an easy, boozy way to meet guys without using the Internet. And for those who want to do both, you’re shit out of luck; the basement of Union Hall has the worst cell reception in town.

We had our own brief encounter with Sullivan to get his tips on making a night of speed dating go as smoothly as a stroller down nearby 5th Avenue.

New York Press: What makes you qualified to host a speed dating competition?
Brent Sullivan: I have an extremely short attention span and love judging people.

What's the shortest date you've ever had?
Once I met a guy from Match.com for drinks. After a few minutes, he told me he only wanted to meet because my profile was the only he had ever seen where I admitted to drinking "heavily." He wanted to see what kind of "trainwreck" I was in person. I left a few minutes later, went to another bar and got super drunk.

How can participants use their time wisely to impress their dates?
Just be genuine, celebrate what makes you interesting, not what makes you 'impressive.' Because it probably isn't that impressive.

What are the top three things not to do during a speed date?
1. Don't brag about how many AIDS tests you've had.
2. Don't show nude pics on your phone.
3. No Grindr!

How will gay speed dating differ from its straight brother?
[Enter cliche gay stereotype here], GIRLFRIEND!

What makes speed dating a good alternative to the Internet sex shopping that gays know and love?
Probably less gonorrhea, although you never know.

What kind of guys will Union Hall attract that might not go to your regular homosexual social event?
Dudes who want to see books on the wall when they go to a bar.

Are you yourself going to be up for grabs during the event?
I don't know if I'll be participating, but I'll be giving handjobs in the bathroom afterward.