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RuPaul's Drag Race: What Else You Want, Miss Merle? Oh, and Henry Rollins!

In Section: ON SCREEN Posted By: Mark Peikert Tuesday, March 16,2010
- “Why did she use two different reds?” Jujubee asks, regarding Morgan’s lipstick message. “Because she’s deep,” Raven says. “And her lipstick ran out.” Meanwhile, Sahara is still a little shaken from being in the bottom two twice. But Miss Bitch feels great. She thinks Tatianna probably holds grudges, though. Shit girl, you know it.

“I was tucked so tight the other day I got a blister and thought it was an STD,” Jujubee says apropos nothing.

RuPaul walks in wearing some nasty pleather coat, telling the girls that a great drag queen is like a rock star, pushing it to its limit. And their hair is their signature. So Ru is giving them 30 minutes to turn their wig into a glam piece of art. And it’s finally happened: These contestants are engaging in some hair pulling.

Jujubee wants to win this challenge, since she’s never won one. Raven thinks Pandora’s wig looks like Cindy Lou-Who. But Pandora is just trying to think outside the box. Miss Bitch, surprise surprise, says that her wig reminds her of Sasha Fierce. And she found the rest of the wigs a little trashy. Ru thinks Raven’s wig looks a little rocker mom, and based on Tatianna’s hair, Ru says she should get to rehab. Pandora’s wig is actually a hair guitar, with bobby pins as the strings. And Jessica Wild was going for Jem and the Holograms. Juju tried, but Ru asks when she lost control of the wig. “When I got the wig,” Juju sighs. And Pandora won! Take that, rocker mom Raven. (Watch Episode 6)

The main challenge will be for the dolls to turn themselves into rocker chicks, taking their charisma uniqueness, nerve and talent and amp it up. But there’s more! Ru is asking the dolls to do something he’s never asked his girls before (in the one and a half season): performing live singing RuPaul’s “LadyBoy.” Terri Nunn from Berlin will be coaching them, and Pandora gets an extra 10 minutes with her as the prize.

Now Jessica is singing in the dressing room. Tatianna doesn’t get up in her face, though. But both Jessica and Jujubee can actually sing. The rest wail like battered alley cats or are terrified to sing in front of people.

Raven’s so excited about Terri Nunn! Jujubee is excited at the chance to actually win something for once. I’m excited for this show to be over. No offense, dolls, we’re just in the mid-season blues of reality TV. All the bad ones are gone, and now it’s only the true talent and the good TV personalities left.

Tatianna reminds us again that she’s been made fun of her entire life for being gay. I doubt that’s the reason people still make fun of her, based on her attitude and personality here. She’s the kind of snotty queen who worries about disappointing Ru by falling back on her looks.

Ru’s determination for Jujubee to succeed reminds her of her dead father, she says. Yep, she’s dragged her dead dad into the show once again. That man gets more airtime than Jessica Wild.

Jujubee gets time with Terri first, but her desire is throwing her off. She can’t focus on the lyrics and keeps over-thinking everything about her performance. But she’s still 100 percent sure she’s going to do fabulously.

Miss Bitch is next, and she admits she can’t sing. Can’t sing! That doesn’t even begin to describe what she does. Terri says Miss Bitch couldn’t seem to get over her discomfort and engage. Raven is a huge fan of Terri, who ends up being a huge fan of Raven. “He’s kinda cute,” she giggles. Raven sashays all over the stage. Can’t sing, but she’s having a blast. Jessica sounds great, and gives fabulous crazy drag eyes, even as she has to wrestle the mic out of the stand. Pandora is roaring out the song, bounding around the stage. Terri thinks her voice is the weakest part of her performance, but her confidence is great. But Sahara seems like she just wants to get through the song and end it. She also adds a terrible screech. Tatianna ends her rehearsal because she just doesn’t feel comfortable. And so Terri puts him in a corner and re-enacts what Tatianna just did. Miserable! And hilarious!

Back in the dressing room, Tatianna tells the girls she couldn’t even get through it. Raven drips with disdain in confession when she points out that there are two verses and three choruses. This is not a Stephen Sondheim patter number, ladies. I mean, have none of these drag queens even done karaoke? Where did Ru find them? Who hasn’t fantasized about being a rock star for the length of a song? (And I refuse to believe that a RuPaul song is so difficult.)

As the girls put on their makeup, Sahara talks about how she just can’t let go. She used to get the love she needed from designer drugs, “like special K.” And so now she is having trouble relaxing into a RuPaul song? Liza does not approve.

Ru struts onto the runway for special judges Henry Rollins and Terri. They’re ready to rock and roll! Too bad they have to listen to these bitches sing instead.

Jessica Wild is up first. Wow! There’s a live audience watching, and a live band backing the girls up! The producers went all out on this week’s budget. Pandora comes out with attitude to spare. She sounds terrible after Jessica, but she has an appropriately gritty snarl and gets the crowd to clap. Sahara enters with an ungodly screech, which Henry Rollins does not appreciate. Tatianna, in skintight pants, is having fun. Damn! I really thought she’d get kicked off this week. Henry Rollins looks uncomfortable. Miss Bitch has a fierce outfit, but not only runs out of breath, she doesn’t even try to embody the “lady” part of the song. She might as well be Stephin Merritt. And sad! Jujubee is so concentrated on singing that she freezes on the stage. She knows it, too, which makes it worse.

“That is the best concert I have been to in a long time,” RuPaul lies. The judges loved Jessica Wild, although Santino thinks her hair is a little wiggy. Wonder why, Santino. Ru points out that Jujubee didn’t know the words to the song, and Santino didn’t care for the fact that she seemed afraid to hear her own voice. And Jujubee is devastated, because her father was watching and now he’s disappointed. Everyone loved Pandora’s attitude, but found Sahara a little too “dancer chic” to be a true rocker. “I let myself go, girl,” Sahara snaps to Merle. “What else you want from me, Miss Merle?” Santino wishes that Tatianna would stop relying on her body, but Terri is so into Raven’s body that she says, “Now I want girls!” Henry Rollins loved Raven, and Merle was thrilled that Raven took her icy attitude and made it worse. But no one liked Miss Bitch, saying she was bringing the glamour at the expense of the song.

During deliberations, everyone is happy with Jessica and Pandora, but Terri felt like Sahara had read a book about being a rock star and was trying the act on for size. Terri says there were two rock stars in the group, Raven and Jessica. Get off Raven’s jock, Terri! And they’re all disgusted with Miss Bitch, especially Henry with her twirls. Twirls! During a rock performance! And everyone is sad about Jujubee’s meltdown.

Jessica wins the challenge, but not immunity. There will no longer be immunity, going forward! Ru tells Pandora, who has come so close each time but has never won a challenge, that she’s the Susan Lucci of the contest. She and Raven are safe. Jujubee, however, is in the bottom two with Sahara Davenport, again. Damn, third time. They lip sync for their life to “Black Velvet.”

And Jujubee is writing around on the stage like it’s made out of black velvet. Sahara starts pirouetting and high-kicking in front of Jujubee, which kind of misses the point of the song, as all the girls point out in confession. I have to say this: Jujubee was FIERCE. And so she stays. Sahara, however, must sashay away. Go to her Monday night show at Suite in NYC! You know she’s got all the dish on these bitches.

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