In the paper today, Kurt Gottschalk uncovers what's happening at this year's Performa. To kick things off, the performance art biennial had a party at MoMA on Sunday night where Fischerspooner, clad in wacky silver outfits and sneakers—and kneepads!—from sponsor Asics, played its hits, including  Electroclash anthem "Emerge," to a crowd gearing up for a few weeks of off the wall performance spectacle. Check out the performance after the jump.

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We were heartbroken when the Tompkins Square Park Halloween dog parade was rained out Saturday, but thankfully with yesterday's gorgeous weather, people all over town were able to put their emotional issues on display and dress up their animals. After the jump, check out Brooklyn Heights Blog's video of the Howl-o-Ween Parade on the Promenade.

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For anyone like me behind on the times and not sharing instant life updates with the world via Twitter, it might be time to jump on the trendy bandwagon, especially when your next tweet could lead to a film deal.

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Turns out Cocoa, Florida might not be that sweet after all. Dlisted found this video of a crazy grandmother who gets oh just a little bit upset when a local news crew knocks on her door to ask about her underage granddaughter who is working at a strip club.

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On a secret Williamsburg rooftop, three guys are breaking the law. They’re not hiding bodies, drug dealing or even growing pot—they’re making honey.

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 UPDATED: Hope you didn't get your panties in a bunch after hearing the speculation that Lady Gaga was a hermaphrodite because it turns out that it's probably not true. In fact, it looks like Ms. Gaga actually got her own panties in a bunch which resembled the "peener" in the video.

 In front of thousands of screaming fans, Lady Gaga sat on a moped in a tiny red dress as two muscular black men pushed her around the stage. When she swung her legs to get off the vehicle, the fans—and thanks to a video, the rest of us—got a little bit more show than we thought. We got a quick flash of her Kibbles N’ Bits. We saw her lady bits and even her man bits. All sorts of bits really.

Yes, despite her stage name, Lady Gaga is actually a hermaphrodite. Bossip says she recently came out of the closet and is not embarrassed about the issue. “I’m sexy, I’m hot. I have both a poon and a peener. Big fucking deal.” We’re putting on our Poker Face and acting natural.

Hundreds of years ago, India produced the Kama Sutra. Now, the government is banning access to animated Indian porn star Savita Bhabhi.

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Yesterday, we posted an interview with the hot actor John Jones IV who was featured in that lascivious (and fake) Sprite ad that was making the blog circuit yesterday. But seems we got a few details misconstrued: The ad was directed and produced by Max Isaacson, but it was not produced by Greencard Pictures. Plus, Greencard is not based in Brooklyn. We received this statement from Isaacson:

I directed and produced the fake Sprite ads that have been making the rounds over the past five days.  There have been quite a lot of false statements made regarding these and I would like to make a few things very clear about these spots.  First, there was no involvement from either The Coca-Cola Company or Greencard Pictures. Second, this was not supposed to be taken seriously by anybody. They were made completely on spec, which was clearly stated on the YouTube pages on which the ads were primarily seen. I paid for, produced and directed both spots independently.  I am frankly quite surprised that spots of this nature were so quickly and easily believed to be legitimate.  I hope that all parties involved will understand that this was a simple mistake that went much too far too fast, and that it is now made clear that these were not real commercials, nor were they ever produced with intention of being taken as such.

Thank you,
Max Isaacson

PS: I would like to thank you all personally for doing the interview with John.  It cleared up a lot of issues that people were having, and hopefully this will wrap the whole thing up.

The Onion, America's satiric newspaper, has been sold to China, or at least that what it says on the front page of their website today.

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For those among us who desperately wish to hide away in the paradise that is Cleveland, Ohio, a couple of quick tourism videos have popped up to help everyone navigate the city of rock 'n' roll and poverty.

Oh and City of Cleveland, thanks for making the constant, crushing failure of your baseball team such a wonderful metaphor for yourself...