If you don’t like talking publicly about the best way to eat ass—some say both parties on all fours, some say with the eatee on his or her stomach, legs spread— Daniel Packard’s show isn’t for you.The host of his own dating advice show on Vancouver’s 94.5,The Beat (!), Packard brings his radio show, plus some, to the stage. Expect interactivity. Expect awkwardness. Hey, some people get off on that stuff. Read more Read it in print

The impossibly foxy Erika Spring of Au Revoir Simone hosts a weekly party at The Manhattan Inn, an impossibly beautiful piano bar in Greenpoint.The playlist consists of French pop, ’60s rock and other notes in time and rhythm that make you dance. So gather, hipster children of Brooklyn, ’round the old white piano in back, and dance to the spirit of France Gall and Marie Laforet. Read more Read it in print

CBGBs is now a Varvatos boutique and the teenagers that flash on film during the screening of Nightclubbing, the forerunner to all music videos, are now middle-aged men. But if you are one of the young on whom youth is wasted and you never got to see Suicide, DNA,Teenage Jesus or Talking Heads in their prime, while in this hushed NYU theater—oh, the irony!—you can relive the ’70s and ’80s. Oh, and an entire Dead Boys concert from 1977 will be screened. Fuck yes. Read more Read it in print

If one beautiful woman is responsible for the resurgence of the blackbird as the symbol du jour of naïf folk, it’s Miss Karen Elson, a Mancunian-born, Nashville-living former model who brings her delicate, lilting Child ballad-tinged music to Joe’s Pub. Elson sings about ghosts; her first album—produced by her husband, Jack White—is entitled The Ghost Who Walks. Read more Read it in print

Are you in Austin now for SXSW? I didn’t think so. So maybe you’re missing barbecue and a feeling of belonging to the musical zeitgeist. If so, head to The Bell House, where five young bands who, like you, are also not in Austin are performing.The line-up is varied: Devries is shoegazer pop; Lagoon is elemental operatic shrieks; Kordan is slightly less shoegazey pop (ankle gazey?); and Ghastly City Sleep not only describes my REMs last night but the emotive Radioheadian/Interpolian pop band from Greenpoint. Read more Read it in print

Another dance company, this one the 20-year-old Jody Oberfelder Dance Projects, revitalizes the project of modern dance by drawing from a breathtakingly wide array of inspirations.This run at Abrons functions as a grand reunion of sorts, drawing dancers from the company’s history and pieces that use influences as varied Jody Oberfelder’s Heads or Tales. as Marc Chagall to Dido and Aeneas to the Brothers Grimm to Mothers and Daughters Bottom Line: Not as clever or hip as Neumann, but Oberfelder still shows herself as a true master and inverter of the dance idiom. Read more Read it in print

“Poets Joshua Beckman and Matthew Rohrer perform found poetry about works in the Museum’s collection after hours,” reads a description of this evening. Grammatically it’s unclear whether the poetry is found, if the event takes place after hours or if it is only about the works in the Museum’s collection that are there only after hours. I guess that’s what you call poetic ambiguity! Read more Read it in print

Pete Holmes is a funny man, not just a comedian. A frequent contributor to The New Yorker and Collegehumor.com—in fact the funniest thing on Collegehumor—Holmes is also the voice of the E*Trade baby. Everything the man says is hilarious. But his standup is less observational than conceptual. It’s almost— though not quite—like you’re learning something. Read more Read it in print

Even if you think the whole enterprise of basketball is a bit silly—putting a ball in a hoop, really?—the rivalry between Indianapolis Pacers and the New York Knicks transcends the confines of the court.The two teams hate each other like the Smiths and the McCoys and no one embodied this vendetta more than Reggie Miller, the Haman to legions of Knick fans. This film, by Crazy Love director Dan Klores, is as much about the epic rivalry, fit for an amphitheater, as it is about the game. Read more Read it in print

Sometimes there is a work whose very premise proves irresistible. Such is the case with David Neumann’s Big Eater, an evening-length dance based on a video—the video—of David Hasselhoff drunk in a hotel hallway attempting the ingestion of a cheeseburger. But, premise aside, Neumann’s work is as touching as it is strange and you never feel, no matter how absurd the material seems, that he’s taking the piss.That he holds it in is testament to his creative discipline. Bottom Line: With The National Enquirer up for a Pulitzer, could a dance about a TMZ video win a Bessie? This one could. Read more Read it in print