There used to be a strict trajectory known as adulthood: finish school, get married and have kids. Simple, direct and to the point. But it seems the point of, well, life may be changing. What with the Women’s Lib movement and a little thing called in vitro fertilization, this no-ifs-ands-or-buts track doesn’t really apply. So if people are putting off family life until later in life, in what manner do they live in the meantime? In New York City, we still cohabitate, but not necessarily in the traditional post-college way. Quite the opposite actually: New Yorkers bunk with roomies. Elsewhere around the country, having a roommate beyond your 20s is akin to living in your parents’ basement. But here, it’s expected, nay, it’s pretty much required. For a pop culture reference you need look no further than the television show “Friends.” With that notion of roommates in their 30s now firmly ensconced within our collective psyches, should we prepare ourselves to meet the 40-Year-Old Roommate? A quick search of the first two New York City pages at Roommates.com reveals 10 listings, four in their 20s, three in their 30s and three in their 40s and 50s.
They say a tenant’s annual salary must be 40 to 50 times his or her monthly rent. Jared Wiener, Director of Brokerage Services for Triumph Property Group Ltd. in Manhattan, explains, “On a $2,000 studio, you need to show $80,000 in income. If not, the guarantor needs to show, on a high end, between $160,000 and $180,000. That is why a lot of people have roommates, because they can combine their income so they don’t need a guarantor.” If the choice is depending on Mommy and Daddy or sharing with your peers, it’s no wonder why so many New Yorkers choose the latter.
The average studio apartment in Manhattan—we’re talking 500 square feet of space including your typical shower in the kitchen deal—goes for $2,200 to $2,600 a month, and can be as high as $3,500, says Wiener. A one-bedroom averages between $2,800 to $3,700 for 650 to 850 square feet. He notes, “Vacancy is so low, the rent has dramatically increased. What I’m quoting you now pretty much reflects a very scarce inventory.” He says that this change occurred over the past summer, and “landlords are going to hold steady on it, with maybe a slight decrease in the winter, if at all.” The units Wiener shows are typically in buildings with no more than two or three vacancies. So not only will you pay over $2,000 for an apartment that’s the size of most bathrooms elsewhere in the country, you’ll be lucky to do so.
As of 2004, the per capita personal income for the metro area, including New York City, Long Island and Northern New Jersey, was $43,277. While that’s the eighth highest in the United States, it’s still not enough to qualify for a Manhattan studio, let alone a one-bedroom. Regarding roommates in New York, Wiener says, “[It’s] much more common in one of the most expensive cities in the country. Almost by default, you almost have to a roommate in Manhattan unless you’re making an extraordinary amount of income or you’re getting help with the rent.”
It used to be that if you were set on having a place all to yourself, you moved to the boroughs. But while rents are significantly less out there in no-man’s land, thanks to gentrification and rising apartment costs, roommates are still largely necessary. Wiener says, “In Brooklyn, [rents] have been creeping up. They call it the second Manhattan now. I have seen a rental increase almost on par with Manhattan. But still, there are deals to be had there.” Howard Wong, 33, a software engineer who lives in Bushwick, Brooklyn, shares a place with three roommates, two in their early 30s and one in their mid-20s. Their combined rent is $2,600, only $650 each.
Clearly, having roommates is the financially savvy way to go. But how does living in a style close to dorm life during the prime of life affect one’s transition into adulthood? Jeffrey Jensen Arnett, author of Emerging Adulthood: The Winding Road from the Late Teens through the Twenties and editor of the Journal of Adolescent Research, says, “Emerging adulthood is a period of your life where you have a sort of independence and freedom to focus on your own life and your own self-development that you will never have so much of before or after.” Whether living with roommates is a cause or a symptom, the fact remains that many New Yorkers suffer from a mutated strain of Urban Peter Pan Syndrome. Without the emotional engagement required by the old ball and chain and the little chainlets and the responsibilities of home owning, these 30-is-the-new-20 roommates are free to indulge in, well, themselves.
Arnett asserts, “It [having roommates] reflects the fact that people may not have a romantic partner, either a cohabiting partner or a marriage partner, and its too expensive to live alone for most of them and they don’t particularly want to move back in with their parents.” As Howard Wong says, “It’s nice coming home to someone, and sometimes it’s better if it’s not someone you’re dating. Roommates offer that neutral circle outside of lovers and friends.” In other words, roommates offer companionship without requiring any of the sweat and tears necessary to maintain a more serious relationship. He adds, “I used to steer away from living with friends because I didn’t want to risk the friendship.”
Those who straddle the roommate world and the relationship world might have the best of both worlds. It seems many thirtysomethings continue to pay rent for a place they share with roomies while dipping their toes into the pool of future marital woes by shacking up with their partners in another apartment. Once upon a time, people delayed committing to marriage so that they could experiment with living together first. Now, it seems they’re delaying committing to living together so they can maintain some degree of autonomy.
Rose Shaw (not her real name), a freelance television field producer, lives with roommates in a three-bedroom apartment in Midtown East. She says, “In the past, I’ve loved having roommates for social reasons. But now that I’m 32, I only have roommates to save money.” Her portion of the rent is $1,100 a month, but Shaw keeps half of her belongings at her boyfriend’s apartment and spends most of her time there.
Chuck Plummer, also 32, who freelances as an audio/visual technician and works as a musician, lives with Howard Wong and their two other roommates in Bushwick—technically. For all intents and purposes, he lives with his girlfriend in Manhattan. Break-ups are likely a lot less messy if you don’t have to go through the process of rebuilding your own independent life—as we’ve already established, finding an apartment in the city is no easy feat.
But inevitably, a New Yorker of a certain age reaches the point when roommate life is no longer socially acceptable—even here—and you’re faced with three options: marry, buy 50 cats or, well, leave. One day, we all wake up too wrinkly to trap a mate, and then what? Many scramble to settle down, despite how ugly the first word in that term is.
This includes shotgun weddings to partners that might have once seemed unsuitable in myriad ways, and babies who seem to arrive faster than the human gestational period could allow. If this seems unappealing, you could always become a 60-year-old bachelorette (a nice way of saying spinster) or opt for eternal bachelordom (which isn’t as glamorous as it sounds). But, chances are, you wouldn’t be able to afford to stay in the city all by your lonesome. And then you’re faced with exile—but a New Yorker out of New York is like the 40-Year-Old Roommate: a little embarrassing. So don’t be surprised if, 30 years from now, we see New York retirees dutifully shuffling home from their early bird dinners to knock back a few Pabsts with their roommates, knit a new beanie and take in their favorite Death Cab For Cutie CD. It’s New York City, stranger things have happened.
