Valentine's Day Gift Guide

To celebrate a day of couples when—for many—couples are about as passé in our city as an Upper East Side address, is downright confusing … even cruel. So embrace V-day as a time when many singles can admit—without being met with the typical derision—that it’s hard for one person to finish a whole loaf of bread before it gets moldy, and that oft-defamed state of coupledom does hold some appeal. But no worries, don that single-equals-freedom armor and buck up. Here are a few ways to celebrate love, even if you only love yourself. (Kari Milchman)

So you don’t want to sit alone at home watching the usual lineup of Valentine’s Day romantic comedies on TV. Instead, spend the evening working up a sweat without the fear of STDs or the walk of shame. Head to The Gym in Chelsea from 6-8 p.m. to detox your dating life. Overlooking Madison Square Park, The Gym offers a special free V-Day workout program just for singles. Personal trainers will be on hand to help you through training stations targeting everything from abs to glutes and they will even provide refreshments. Maybe you’ll meet another fitness-loving single. Hey, at least you won’t have to wait months before finding out they have an unhealthy love of spandex.

Want to spend V-Day by yourself but still need something glamorous to tell everyone you’re doing? A treatment at Townhouse Spa sure beats sending yourself roses. Their “Party of One” special will pamper you more than even your ideal Valentine’s Day beau would (OK, well not quite that much … but damn close). Relax in a 30-minute Hydrotherapy Tub soak, move on to a 60-minute purifying facial, then a 30-minute massage, a manicure and a jelly bath pedicure. Top this off with a decadent dessert on the house and a trip to Townhouse’s co-ed lounge to mingle with other indulgent singles. Think of it as a $400 investment in yourself. Besides the luxurious treatment, meeting someone willing to drop that much cash on themselves (and most likely you too) is priceless.

When Valentine’s Day rolls around each year, you know you’ve got one thing on the brain. It’s not the chocolates or hopes of a fancy dinner. Flowers don’t do it for you either. Hey, everyone needs a little action on V-Day. This year, instead of heading straight to the bar to find another desperate single, browse Babeland and find something fun for yourself. Try The Smart Girl’s Guide to Porn ($15.95) or How to Tell a Naked Man What to Do ($20.00). You might want to wait for a visitor to try out the body wax candles ($10) and Dulce de Leche body lickable oil ($10), though. Or maybe not, weirdo.

Fatten yourself up for some good ole self-snuggling. It’s couture and available for a limited-time only. The chocolate is actually so fresh that it even has an expiration date! 15-piece box ($50), 30-piece box ($90).

We all could use a little brushing up on our dating skills. To the rescue, the AP Classes for Dating, which includes: the date smarter workshop, sizzling bedroom seminars, girls’ night out events and more. Most lessons run between $25 to $45, depending on the type. How to Flirt/Pick Up Men & Women classes ($40). Quiz dating ($25). LocknKey Party ($25). Sex Ed Salons and Lapdance Classes ($40).

Instead of hitting up the desperate bar scene, try your hand at speed dating. What’s the worst that could happen in eight minutes? Plenty, but that’s the fun in it. Register with www.8minutedating.com and choose the Valentine’s Day party for you. Parties are arranged by theme (from “Cupid’s Party” to “Firefighters and the Women Who Love Them”) and age range. Most events are $40 to attend, but there are discounts for first-timers and if you recruit friends to join the event.  Start practicing your 8-minute speech now or else you might blurt out your obsession with Tony Danza at the first awkward silence. Don’t say we didn’t warn you!

This city full of loners, stalkers and the dateless, can get a little funky. Use this line of products to satisfy the body and senses—Euphoria Milk Bath and Euphoria Body Scrub, Euphoria Body Milk, Euphoria Shampoo. It’s a sweet, romantic bath set with a heavenly combination of white chocolate, vanilla and white tea.

Not ready to celebrate being single on Valentine’s Day? Stop by Home and meet other people who share your fear of being alone. Meet Market Adventures is throwing an anti-Valentine’s Day party just for singles. Don’t worry, it sounds like an oxymoron to us too. The bash includes hors d’oeuvres, icebreaker games, prizes and discounted drinks. It sounds a little like fourth grade, but weren’t those the best Valentine’s Days anyway? We’re not sure if you’ll be making love notes out of construction paper, but you never know. The event costs $9.99 to attend and there’s a chance of winning a free white water rafting trip. We hope it’s in the summer!

Sometimes the only thing that makes a Valentine’s Day alone worth it is the guilty pleasure of spoiling yourself silly. This treat-yourself-right gift set includes one “It’s a slice supreme body mousse” and one “It’s a slice supremely rich bath and shower froth.” Alone and crusty—bad. Solo and fresh—much better!