Candy Nipple Tassels ($8.99, www.rudefood.com/spencer) could possibly save your sex-drive during a sudden sugar drop. Thanks to these edible ornamentations, you now have a sweet way to enhance your amorous wardrobe, not to mention something to match your time-honored candy necklace. For gentlemen who desire confectionary lingerie, let me suggest Spencer & Fleetwood’s Candy Cock Ring ($5.99) or Candy Posing Pouch ($12.99). These sumptuous treats provide the perfect midnight snack when faced with a voracious appetite—wink, wink, nudge, nudge.
Mood Music
Nothing sets the mood better than your iPod—in more ways than one. Next time you’re listening to Olivia Newton-John’s “Let’s Get Physical” (or whatever song makes you frisky) and just can’t take it anymore, you’ll wish you had OhMiBod ($69.99, www.ohmibod.com) for some sweet relief. An audio enabled integrated microchip transforms the beat and rhythm of your tunes to a pleasurable quivering in your loins. Yeah, OhMiBod’s a vibrator. At only 1 1/8 inches in diameter and 5 1/2 inches long (insertable), this sleek little play pal packs a lot of power with an endless range of good vibrations. Pick up the OhMiBod iPod Garter ($29) for a sexy take on your standard carrying case, or just slip your armband a little further north. There are a lot of superfluous iPod accessories out there, but don’t be fooled. Protective covers aside, nothing compliments an MP3 player better than a vibrating sex toy and, right now, OhMiBod has a monopoly on that market. (Kari Milchman)
Shove It
If you think George W. Bush has his head stuck up his ass, you’ll be happy to learn that you can now experience the sensation for yourself, thanks to Celebrity Buttplugs. The company’s “collectible anal effigies” are designed in the likeness of famous people, including such classics as George W. Tush, Dingleberry and a Picasso-esque Parass Hilton—now available in a black-and-white striped jailbird addition ($9.95-$21.95, www.celebritybuttplugs.com). Made from industrial grade silicone, latex and urethane, each design is hand-molded and limited to just 500 copies. The penetrating personalities are also available with “assquake” vibration and in glow-in-the-dark editions, making them the perfect gift when traditional novelty dildos just won’t do. The company will also create custom butt plugs to resemble friends, family members or co-workers. Just send them a photo of your special someone and, in two weeks time, you’ll have a one-of-a-kind, butt-fuckable version for your rectal pleasure ($125.95). Now when you tell someone to “shove it,” they’ll know exactly what you mean. (Jill Colvin)
Rubber Ducky, You The Man
Remember the good ol’ days of your childhood and the joy to be had during bath time with your rubber duck? Well, now you’ve grown up; but no fear, so has Ducky—and adult games are even better. I Rub My Duckie (www.babeland.com) is a fun, friendly massager that can be used anywhere. I mean anywhere. Batteries are included, so immediate gratification is just $24 away. Your new waterproof bath buddy has several techniques to teach; there’s the “tail slide and wiggle,” “the head and tail will never fail” method and, my personal favorite, the “happy beak nibble.” For those who get off thinking less of your prepubescent days and more of sex tapes and rehab, there’s I Rub My Duckie “Paris,” a trampy take on the traditional feathered friend. Ernie never had it so good. (Abigoliah Schamaun)
