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Gemini (May 21-June 20) Here
you go.What do you mean, "What is it?" It's an invisible jet, of
course.Yes, I know you'll look ridiculous flying around in it. Does
that mean you don't want it? If potentially embarrassing yourself will
keep you from exercising every resource at your disposal, you might as
well give up now.There’s a shitload of fun to be had with an invisible
jet and the other slightly less than optimal advantages you have
available to you. See if you can focus on enjoying them, instead of on
the details that don’t fit your idea of perfection. Cancer (June 21-July 22) Be aggressive. It's better than being passive-aggressive, which is pretty much your only other option here. These feelings of yours demand expression, one way or another.They simply won't be kept locked up. So you can act on then directly and openly, which might make you look like kind of a dick, but at least it's honest. Or you can vent them in subtle and indirect ways, which will make you be a total dick—just not as obviously.
So which is it going to be? Do you want to appear nice but actually be a sneaky bitch? Or look bitchy, but open the option to truly move on? I hope you can tell where my vote is going.
Leo (July 23-Aug. 22) Even
rich kids who haven't been coddled and spoiled by their parents still
know the money's there. They know that if shit goes down, Mommy or
Daddy will step in to help them take care of those hospital bills or
post bail or whatever. It's different navigating life without any
safety net; it's much easier to walk a tightrope knowing a tumble won't
break your leg or your neck. However, even that risk (which might be
present this week, when you discover that your safety net isn't as
secure or foolproof as you thought) shouldn't keep you from doing what
you want.
Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22) Sometimes
the condom has a hole, or the airbag doesn’t deploy, or the parachute
doesn’t open. Accidents happen. There’s no one to blame, except—if
you’re being especially judgmental—the person taking the risk in the
first place.Wasting a whole bunch of time pointing fingers or trying to
find someone upon whom to pin a shitload of anger and blame is really
stupid and juvenile.Yes, I know you want somewhere to put all that
crap. However, you don’t have the right to just dump this wherever you
want, just because you’re distraught.Vent it somewhere appropriate.
Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22) While
doing something you weren't supposed to be doing—digging through your
lover's email, for instance—you discover something you weren't supposed
to find out about. In this scenario, most people would do the conniving
and twisted manipulative thing; that is, strive to expose the lie (or
hidden truth) without ever revealing their own indiscretions.That, my
friend, is some seriously lame bullshit.Their screw-up doesn’t justify
yours. If you want to call them out on what they did, be an adult and
call yourself out for what you did. Either that, or let the two “sins” cancel each other out and forget any of it ever happened.
Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21) Whether
this surprise is more a pleasure or a hassle doesn't matter; it's
what's happening. Even if it's not the delight it was intended to be,
play pretend.The thought does count, or it should, especially when it's
mostly your own baggage that's keeping it from truly being the joy it
was meant to be. That’s no one’s fault, but I do believe your emotional
luggage has already kept you from going to some pretty interesting and
wonderful places.When are you going to ditch it? Now would be a pretty
good time. If that’s not possible, at least stash it somewhere out of
sight for a little while and do your best to enjoy this particularly
sweet moment.You can go back to hauling your crap around afterwards, if
you must.
Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21) Cram enough skeletons into your closet and you may have trouble closing the door. I don't know that you need to share everything that's ever happened to you when you become intimate with someone— some things are truly dead and buried, and better off staying that way. But when your problems may come knocking or lurking, it's probably better to 'fess up before they do. Got a few ghosts still haunting your life? Make some introductions and control the story before it breaks on its own. Fail to do that, and you may have a few new skeletons moving in with the old ones before too long.
Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19) While you are certainly within your rights to deliver a truth brutally (and that would still be kinder than perpetuating a lie), would you consider breaking the news gently instead? Kindness hasn’t necessarily been your strong suit, traditionally, I know. Try to dredge up some compassion, anyway, even if this particular fool doesn't especially deserve it.What goes around comes around, remember? Put yourself in their shoes—in itself a difficult task, considering the circumstances— and give them the treatment you'd like if this were your news to receive. Someday that may actually be the case, and karma can be a cold bitch.
Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18) Unicorns
are associated with uniqueness, however, almost every image of them is
pretty much like every other.There doesn’t seem to be anything
particularly unique about them. Similarly, rainbows represent
diversity, even though they’re all identical.
My point? The
usefulness and accuracy of symbols and metaphor is very much in
question this week. Don't employ it. Instead of embracing analogy, just
present things exactly as they are. That’s more accurate, more
acceptable, and just plain better in every way. Skip the fancy verbal
footwork for when you might actually need it—right now, you’re better
off without.
Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20) Imagine
an honest-to-goodness extraterrestrial appeared to you, and only you,
pleading for sanctuary and secrecy. On the one hand, granting its
request seems like the right thing to do—who knows what we'd do to it
otherwise? On the other hand, keeping it secret would be pretty harsh
to the rest of your race—not only those to whom it could be a symbol of
inspiration or hope, but also to those to whom it might (perhaps
unwittingly) present a threat.There is no clear right or wrong to the
situation you'll find yourself in this week; I'm afraid you'll just
have to trust your gut, and keep seeking a happy middle ground. It may
not exist, but you'll never know for sure unless you keep on looking
for it.
Aries (March 21-April 19) Regarding
the destruction of ideas, book-burning has never been particularly
effective, and in this day and age, when you can store a million books
on a device you can fit in your pocket, its just laughable.
In
fact, most efforts to suppress ideas has the opposite effect—it calls
more attention to those ideas than they would have ever gotten,
otherwise. Any press is good press, as they say. If you really want
people to forget about something, the worst thing you can do is
denounce it. If your aim is to keep people from paying attention to
something, your best strategy is to ignore it—and make them pay
attention to something else instead. I’ve heard you were good at
creating entertaining distractions.This week, prove it.
Taurus (April 20-May 20) Are you being as weird as you can be? This isn't to suggest you should pretend to be someone you're not, but you do have this tendency to downplay your eccentricities and try to play it as "normal" as possible, especially with people you don't know well. News flash: for some of us, normal is very, very boring. Someone might decide you're not even interesting enough to make an effort for. Don't make the mistake of concocting idiosyncrasies just to make yourself seem more fascinating, but when trying to make a first (or second) impression, don't hide the ones you actually have.
