Barack Obama, Meet Spam Button

Since October 2008, I’ve received an average of one email every two to three days from Barack and/or Michelle Obama. That’s about 35 emails that I have no use for. All of them have the word “Change” in them. 99 percent also have a link beginning with the word “Donate.”

This has to fucking stop.

OK, I love you, I voted for you and bought the personality cult T-shirt. I even sent you money. A lot more money than a freelance writer should have spent on anything, especially a millionaire Chicago lawyer. And I was promised a limited edition “change” fleece that never came, and now I’m freezing my ass off in the cold because now I can’t afford an actual fleece as I wanted you to be president.

And yet despite your raising enough money ($750 million) to buy an over the top French Riviera mansion fit for a Russian Oligarch, match multinational corporation Ford’s quarterly net income (during brighter days), or vaccinate literally hundreds of thousands of poor children in destitute countries, you continue to hit me up for cash.

Mr. Obama, put down the Crackberry already. If I give you more money, my penis will not be growing any bigger, I won’t lose 10 pounds in a day, and I certainly will not be receiving any returns on that investment with Nigerian Prince Abakaliki. But I can certainly count on you filling up my inbox faster than the remaining members of Monty Python can harmonize “Spam! Spam! Spam! Spam, Lovely Spaaaaaaaaaam!”

Image courtesy celebrityblackberrysightings.com