What happens when Kevin Smith meets cyber punk?  You get Jeff Lewonczyk’s raucous array of apocalyptic dressed monkeys evolving from having sex doggy style, to missionary position, to standing on two feet, to the birth of the human race—all propagated by a bearded guy in a cloak who speaks with his hands and eye rolling.  Sound crazy? In Lewonczyk’s play, Craven Monkey and the Mountain of Fury, anything goes, but you can be sure it’s done with finesse and delicately choreographed fight scenes.

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Let’s start with the dawn of man, when he (or she) discovers how to use force to get the goods. Next, tools for violence and lots of yelling. This is how director Alexandra Hastings’ staged fighting production started, at the beginning of the battle. Despite some technical difficulties with the sound, in an hour and a half, the 23 actors in the play Evolution took us along the progression of fighting, and they did it well.

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As I watched the Bronx Gridlock skate their way to victory, I had mixed emotions. I was happy, because they won in a neck-to-neck game against the Manhattan Mayhem, but sad as well since their victory symbolized the end of the 2009 derby season. This was my first year watching the Gotham Girls and, honestly, they are a pretty amazing bunch of women. To witness the players and teams grow in these eight games has truly been a wonderful adventure. Now, to try and summarize the incredible game last Saturday.

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As the roller derby season winds down, interest in the sport has just sparked. The crowd at Saturday’s double-header game was chock full of newbies, tweens, and kids. You could just see images of Ellen Page in their young, innocent eyes. While the games weren’t nearly as violent as the ones in “Whip It,” the visiting team, Sockit Wenches, gave our gals a run for the money and went home with the prize.

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The Queens’ reign is over. As they chanted “We’re number four! We’re number four!” after the end of Saturday’s game (albeit channeling the film Whip It), the Brooklyn Bombshells celebrated their first victory of the season. Neither one of these teams made it to the championship, but hey, they still put on a hell of a game.

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Nobody held back in Saturday’s Gotham Girls Roller Derby game at Hunter College. Both teams were undefeated and out for blood.  This could be why so many fouls were committed, two players were ejected for half the game, and the medics spent more time in the rink then I am used to seeing.

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How often do you get people to converge over a group of musicians dressed in sweat-inducing, furry animal costumes? Not often, but more than 50 people came out to the House of Yes on Tuesday to say “namaste” to front man Skunky, aka Jonathan Singer. He is about to pack his bags to take off to India with a Fulbright Scholarship in a few weeks. The band got together to play a benefit show in hopes that a couple of them, namely Dog (Carmen Staaf) and Pinky (Bridget Kearney) can meet up with him and do their shtick there.

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If Quentin Tarantino made a play, 3! would be it. Based on Rainer Werner Fassbinder’s 1979 film The Third Generation, and playing as part of the undergroundzero festival at P.S. 122, the play is a harsh, surrealist trip into a world of fear, terrorism and spies. Director Doris Mirescu does well to stick to the chaotic, tense plot of the German movie, though he uses multimedia to add action to 3!.  

The play starts when you get in the door and are greeted with different “scenes,” where people sit, slowly put on make-up, get dressed or type on a computer. Around the floor, there are cameramen and boom operators walking about, getting in the way and projecting bits of the stage on large screens and televisions in the back.  This is the first time you get a glimpse to the depth of space used, from the bathroom to the dressing room.

Once the play truly begins, don’t expect to follow it along smoothly. Lots of screaming, yelling, stomping and gunshots occur to pull you out of any deep thought you were trying to have about why the boss is touching his secretary, who that old lady is, and why that man is banging on the table. Actually, the whole play is confusing on so many levels, and Mirescu’s use of video and sound add to that madness, albeit in a good way. She employs the music as a tool to bring out insanity and uses the film to highlight scenarios and objects. Also, by having the camera and boom operators in the play, you sort of get and idea of who you should watch and at what time.

Plots slowly unfold, characters get interchanged and relationships blossom, but, of the dozen or so people in the play, the only characters you can actually place are: Ilse (Kate McConaghy) the drug addict, Hilde (Jennifer Balir-Bianco) who keeps throwing up, Petra (Zehra Tas) because she foreign and wears crazy wigs, Paul (Anthony Laforgia) because he is an asshole, and the skirt wearing cross-dresser August (Florin Penisoara). All the actors played their parts well--when you can determine who's who and the point of their dramatics. Even though we get many angles on the action, I still am not 100 percent sure what happened.  

Yet, I enjoyed the presentation as a whole. Powerful images played out on this cramped, prop filled stage, and real emotion came through in the actors’ performances. The rape of Hilde proved especially difficult to watch, and, if you have a hard time with that, I suggest not sitting in the front row--you just may try to help her. Never before have I seen so many costume changes in such little time, but then again, nothing in 3! proved normal or expected. In the end, I couldn’t put my finger on the point of the story, but the execution left me feeling like I had awoken from a bad dream filled with light, sex and lasting images.

July 24 at 9, July 23 and 25 at 7, and July 26 at 5; PS 122, 150 1st Ave. (at E. 9th St.), 212-477-5829;  $15


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The art of making fun of yourself is always appreciated, and, if you do it well, even better.  Given the nature of burlesque, this type of performance comes with all sorts of stipulations and reservations.  So, delving into irony and true camp enter—Pinchbottom’s Pretençión.  The latter is pronounced in a snooty French accent, something that you will have to get used in order to enjoy devilish duo Jonny Porkpie and Nasty Canasta’s frolic through frivolity. 

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Last Saturday’s Gotham Girl Roller Derby game between the Bronx Gridlock and Brooklyn Bombshells at Hunter College, kicked off with supreme Bronx skater Bonnie Thunders (No. 340) pitted against Brooklyn’s Papierschnitt (No. 8 1/2x11).  The second the starting buzz sounded, they were off.  Despite the stellar blocking skills by Brooklyn’s Hela Skelter (No. 31), Thunders’ copper colored bottom pushed ahead and took the lead jammer position, scoring four points for her team.

Next up we had Bronx’s Beatrix Slaughter (No. 42) vs. Brooklyn rookie, OMG WTF (No. 753).  Coming off last season’s brutally crushed collarbone, Slaughter showed no signs of having had a serious injury as she broke through Brooklyn’s blockers before the first lap was made.  Throttled by the force of Slaughter’s speed, OMG fell behind as her opponent made the rounds again, scoring four more points.

Thunders skated up to the line again, this time against Brooklyn ice hockey aficionado, Barbara Ambush (No. 1600).  The Bronx blockers tried their hardest to keep Ambush back, but she got through, becoming lead jammer and gaining four more points for Brooklyn.  

Finally, Brooklyn puts up high-scoring Aunti Christ (No. 666) on the line against Bronx jammer Care Bear Scare (No. cloud 9).  Aunti does Brooklyn proud and swept the rink, putting her team in the lead by four points.  When the tattooed Brooklyn babe Carmen Monoxide (No. 12) played against Thunders, the crowed was treated to one of the best, and most showy, moves of the evening.  Like a bat out of hell, Bronx captain Kandy Kakes (No. perfect 10) slammed into Monoxide, knocking her clear off the ring, ending the jam.  Addressing her fans, Kakes spun around and sent kisses to the cheering crowed, which included Momma Thunders, Lil’ Thunders, and sitting behind me, Mr. Murder, husband of Bronx’s Murder City Mandy (No. 1900).

Kakes’ blocking wasn’t the only defense going on in the ring, Brooklyn’s Raggedy Animal (No. 67) took her revenge on Scare, bumping her so hard out of line that a low “Oooh” projected from the crowd.  At this point the teams were close.  Brooklyn was slightly ahead, which seemed to throw the Bronx team off a little.  Yet, they all push on and finally, a moment people in the know wanted to see; paramours Thunders and OMG face off for the first time.  No romance could be seen as OMG thrusted ahead and made lead jammer, an awesome move, especially because Thunders is a truly talented player and not easy to beat.  

As the clock ticked on, the players obviously began to tire.  With a few minutes to go, Slaughter drove forward, taking the lead.   Though, due to beautiful blocking by Papierschnitt, she gave up and patted her hips to call off the jam.  The last match of the first-half had Thunders against Aunti.  In a move that can only be described as magic, Thunders, her legs spread wide, glided around some invisible space and through Brooklyn’s Hard Anya’s (No. i4i) blocking attempt.  First-half ends with Bronx leading Brooklyn, 48 to 41.

Now, Brooklyn fans I warn you, it isn’t pretty from here. I am not sure what exactly happened to my favorite team, but they just fell apart the second half.  There was no organization and, as those crafty Bronx players scored more and more points, it appeared to get worse.  Needless to say, we didn’t win.  Here’s how it went.  

After a riveting half-time game of bike polo by the NYC Bike Polo team (whom GGRD medic Ace Bondage is part of) the first jammers up were Thunders and Monoxide.  OMG appeared to have regained strength during the break and expertly blocked lead jammer Thunders, who, in turn, called off the round after scoring five points.  In the next round Brooklyn ups their defenses and Ambush successfully blocks Slaughter for a time, before Bronx takes the lead.  

One of the biggest problems with the second-half of the game were the constant penalties.  For a majority of the jams, Brooklyn had someone in the box, which weakened their defense.  With half the time up, Brooklyn started making a comeback with players Papierschnitt and Monoxide gaining the lead in their games.  Though, as soon as they obtained a couple points, both women called it off.  The last jam, between rookie Butch Cassidy (No. 121) and Scare didn’t bode well for Brooklyn.  Two of their players were in the penalty box, leaving rookie Double Clutch (No. Break her 1-9) to block with Animal.  Not surprising, Scare managed to get  head with the help of her full team, ending the game as lead jammer.  For the second time this season, Bronx won, this time, 131 to 58.

This is part of New York Press’s coverage of Gotham Girls roller derby, season 2009.  Next game between Manhattanan Mayhem and Bronx Gridlock is on Saturday, August 8  at Hunter College’s sportplex

photo by Lani Bouwer

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