2006 Naughty and Nice Lists

As this column heads into its second year, we choose to revive our naughty and nice list on all things sports. This has been a great year for the column, and we praise our editor, Adario Strange, at New York Press for giving us a free reign to go nuts for sports.

Now this past year, we have pissed some people off. Rugby and lacrosse players across New York wished pain upon us. Ultimate fighting fans wanted to beat us. Golfers wanted to whack us. But we had fun and hope most of you did, too.

HOLLANDER

Nice: Greg Schiano, Head Coach, Rutgers Football: The 2006 Coach of the Year led Rutgers to consecutive bowl games (no bowl appearance in 27 years prior) and put the Scarlet Knights in the national championship conversation for two weeks. Did he, like every other mercenary college coach, immediately jump to a bigger program—Miami—when offered gobs of money? No, he stayed with the players he recruited and in so doing, has single-handedly restored the major college football in N.Y.-N.J. metro area. GIFT: Lifetime E-Z Pass on N.J. Turnpike

Jose Reyes, Shortstop, N.Y. Mets: He led the National League in triples and stolen bases again. He learned to take pitches and became an all-star. His maturation has made the Mets a pitcher away from winning it all. GIFT: Stealing Home

Jaromir Jagr, N.Y. Rangers: The Rangers are for real because of him. He leads the NHL in points and assists. He leads the Rangers by example. GIFT: Injury-Free Post-season

David Lee, Forward, N.Y. Knicks:  “The team sucks?” Play hard. “I’m starting?” Play hard. “I’m coming off the bench?” Play hard. “They don’t pass, defend or rebound?” I’ll do it. GIFT: 6th Man of the Year Award

Curtis Martin, Running Back, N.Y. Jets: A season of inactivity is no way for this classy warrior to go out. GIFT: One More Carry

Danny Almonte: Youth is wasted on the young? Not so with this formerly disgraced 19-year-old Little League pitcher. He redoubled his 15-minutes of fame by marrying 30-year-old NYC hairdresser Rosy Perdomo. “She gets me,” says Almonte. GIFT: A talk show on Univision

Versus Network: By changing its name (formerly Outdoor Life Network) and becoming all about “competition,” Versus offers and earnest challenge to ESPN as a viable and oh-so-welcome alternative sports network. GIFT: NFL, NBA or MLB contract.

Naughty:

Zinedine Zidane, France: So selfish. So stupid. So fucking French. GIFT: Iron Mask

Isiah Thomas, President/Head Coach, N.Y. Knicks: So selfish. So stupid … If there’s an antonym for “Midas Touch” it should be “Isiah Thomacination.” While Anucha Browne Sanders awaits her day in court, he has turned the basketball court at MSG into a castle of ruins. GIFT: Banishment

Bode Miller: Unless you’re winning downhill races, you’re really not that interesting. What? You don’t care if you win the Olympics? Then don’t go! Says Bode: “Records are less important for me than what I feel when I come down the mountain.” When you speak, we feel nauseous. GIFT: Maturity

Tom Coughlin, Head Coach, N.Y. Giants: For two seasons—in big situations and as a matter of principle—you pass on first down, negating your excellent running game. Sure, you’ve got a team of head-cases, but you’ve also got a team loaded with talent. You seem to make things worse. GIFT: Getting to Yes: Negotiating Agreement Without Giving In (Penguin)

Danny Almonte: He got sick and didn’t pitch for Monroe H.S. in the state finals. Then, banking on a pro baseball contract, the formerly disgraced 19-year-old Bronx little leaguer married 30-year old Rosy Perdomo, a Bronx hairdresser, and waited for the 2006 Major League Free Agent draft. Almonte went undrafted by all 30 teams through 50 rounds. GIFT: A “do over” on his childhood

Daniel Doctoroff, NYC Deputy Mayor: 2012 Olympics—REJECTED. West Side Stadium—REJECTED. Go back to Michigan or wherever it is and leave New York to New Yorkers. GIFT: Job at a used car dealership

Staten Island Yankees: A kindly father and son built a breathtakingly beautiful stadium. They tried to do it right. Alas, they were gobbled up by Hollywood mogul Peter Guber and Mandalay Entertainment. It makes me sad, you know? GIFT: The fine citizens and elected officials of Staten Island

BONUS Naughty/Nice: Allen Iverson has become so objectionable that he can’t even play with the team while they seek a trade for him. I have become very fond of this new ownership tactic called “Keyshawning,” named after Keyshawn Johnson who was ordered by the Tampa Bay Buccaneers to stay home with pay for the last 6 game of the 2003 season because he had become such an unbearable pain in the ass. The Eagles did it with Terrell Owens in 2005. The Pacers did it with Ron Artest last year. I’d love to see the next step: all owners colluding to Keyshawning a player for life. I know it’s illegal, but it’s very hard to prove, and in certain cases, like the aforementioned, it’s in the best interests of the league.  

SULLIVAN

Nice: Derek Jeter, Shortstop, Yankees I do not like his team, but it is high time we praise this steady and reliable man. Keeps his mouth shut and does his job. He did not whine about not getting the MVP this year. He does not coddle millionaires and makes no excuses for himself. He just hits a clutch .300 plus year in and year out. If he were white, all sportswriters would be calling him a “throw back.” GIFT: That last World Series ring for 2007

James Dolan, owner of the Knicks I have never written one good word about this man, so in the spirit of the holiday, I will say that his interview last week where he took the blame for the Knick debacle was classy. Now if he follows through and fires Lil Isiah when this year is over, he will get a double nice. GIFT: Guitar lessons with Eric Clapton

Jason Kidd, Guard, N.J. Nets He is almost on course to average a triple double for a season. No one has done that since Oscar Robertson in 1963. That is over 10 points, assists and rebounds for a year. He has been a beacon of hope in this basketball-starved city. GIFT: An NBA Championship

Eli Manning, QB, Giants Every week this guy has to ride the fickle wave of Giant insanity. Here is a telegram: The guy is 24 and better than Phil Simms was at the same age. Calm down, Giant fans, this is your quarterback for the next 10 years. GIFT: Seeing brother Payton lose in the AFC Championship—again

SPORTS NET NY On the air since March of 2006, this channel gave us one of the greater Met seasons to watch. They hired two former Mets as announcers, Ron Darling and Keith Hernandez, and they were great. GIFT: Higher Nielsen ratings than Yes network

Carlos Beltran, Center Field, Mets He delivered the season we Met fans knew he had in him. A true superstar who does not embarrass his team or city. Gift: MVP in 2007

NAUGHTY:

Ron Artest, Loose Cannon, Sacramento Kings Old Queensbridge Ron lost and is now in exile out on the Left Coast. His CD sucked, and he sold the Pacers out like a crack whore. GIFT: Hip-hop lessons from Shaq

Allen Iverson, Guard, formerly Philly 76ers He is in limbo as the 76ers try to figure out how to dump him. My how he has fallen. A gutsy little man who had the heart to take it to Shaq in the NBA finals all those years ago has now become a callow loser who is looking to jump ship and land anywhere but Phildelphia. Maybe the Knicks could use another small and overpaid guard. GIFT: Life Lessons with Isiah

Isiah Thomas, Head Coach, Knicks He has devolved into a complete loser. He has ruined the Knicks, and he is like a fungus we can’t get rid of. I can’t take a season with him at the helm. He is killing New York basketball. GIFT: A one-way ticket to Chicago

Tiki Barber, Running Back, Giants Mister Team turned quite the little selfish elf this season with his retirement announcement. Then he lashed out at the coach for more carries. There’s no “I” in team, Tiki. He went from Mr. Giant to Mr. Giant Ego in one failed season. GIFT: An ESPN announcers’ contract

Billy Wagner, Relief Pitcher, Mets He almost blew the season, and he is no closer. When it comes out about his alleged steroid abuse, watch Omar and Willie run away from him. GIFT: Mariano Rivera pitching lessons